Greetings from the London Bureau

More to come soon. Sorry about the lack of updates. Internet access has been difficult to come by lately.

Action Jackson

I continue to find more cool videos! This one is of my brother (drums) and my neighbor (guitar) jamming in the garage over winter break.

Note: YouTube is doing some maintenance work the last time I checked, so this may not appear or load at the moment.

Man Sues Over Mother's Day Baseball Promotion

From ESPN:

What a country: What do you get when you combine two treasured icons of Americana, baseball and Mother's Day? A lawsuit, of course. A San Diego man has sued the Angels, alleging that the team treated men and those under 18 unequally when they gave away nylon tote bags only to women last Mother's Day. The lawyer who filed the action has added a second suit on his own behalf, saying that he was unfairly denied a free hat during a similar Mother's Day giveaway by the A's in 2004. Where's Martha Burk when we really need her? We'd love to see a female judge decide this case and declare that if the men want to be given free gifts designed for mothers, they first be forced to pass a kidney stone the size of a bowling ball after lugging it around for nine months.

Notre Dame Gets Lonely At the End of the Semester Apparently

Papa John's Employee (female): Thank you for calling Papa John's at Notre Dame, will this be for delivery?

Me: Yes.

PJ Woman: OK, and what would you like this evening?

Me: Uh, a small, hand-tossed pepperoni pizza please.

PJ Woman: OK, and where should we have this delivered?

Me: ### Keough Hall.

PJ Woman: Hey, wait a second. Aren't you supposed to be home right now?

Me: Well, I'm staying here for a while more.

PJ Woman: (pauses) Why?

Me: Study-abroad program.

PJ Woman: Why are you still here if it's study-abroad?

Me: Well, I'm staying here instead of going all the way back to California.

PJ Woman: Why would you go to California?

Me: OK, listen. Can I get my pizza or what?

PJ Woman: Oh, I'm sorry, I get carried away. My grandson went to Paris last summer. It wasn't study abroad though.

Me: I see. Actually, I'm going there for part of my trip, as a side-trip from London.

PJ Woman: They have more Pizza Huts there than Papa John's.

Me: So I hear.

PJ Woman: OK, will that be all?

Me: I think so. How old is your grandson?

PJ Woman: He's 14.

Me: Cool.

PJ Woman: This'll be $9.79 by the way.

Me: OK, cash.

PJ Woman: Thank you!

Every Room Should Be Checked For Cameras First

Note the deliberate mispronunciation of Paul's last name. Does any camera actually have a big red button that says "DELETE" on it?

Finals: The Quotes

Heard during Finals Week:

"Yeah, so I just called the prof on his bluff"
"What did you do?"
"I didn't answer any of the essay questions. Joke's on him!"

"There is no way I'll ever pass this class"
"Didn't you get A's on the other two tests and the paper?"
"There is no way I'll ever pass the final"

(Prof. to class) "The reason we give you finals is pretty simple. We're told to."

"And please, don't bring four hot dogs to the exam. I had to be harsh with the last guy who did that. Actually, don't bring any hot dogs at all."
"What if we have enough to go around?"
"Fine, minimal relish though."

"I showed up finals to my drunk!!"

"If ten is acing the test and one is failing horribly, I sixed out whammy style for defs."

It's good to be done.

The Essence of It All

With a school year falling fast behind me, I hope to be dedicating a little more time to this silly little thing called blog. Caught on the Bound will be opening a field office in London next Wednesday when I head there to begin what officials have dubbed the "London Summer Programme" for Notre Dame. The idea of this endeavor is to situate us in London for the summer in a programme to see how fast we lose money. Anyways, I'll try to keep up as best I can when not ding-dong ditching #10 Downing Street or recreating the Beatles' Abbey Road picture. One primary goal of this venture is to obtain a Hard Rock Cafe London t-shirt. I never understood the significance of Hard Rock t-shirts, but I suspect that there is none and that Hard Rock has succeeded magnificently in conning us into thinking that they are important and worthy of purchase. Anyways, I hope to dedicate a little bit more time to writing on this thing, which is, after all, the essence of any good blog right? RIGHT? Oh yeah, and I'll get the press conferences back up and running. Several members of the site's fanbase have lamented the dearth. V FOR VICTORY. and VENDETTA. and if you're Archie, VERONICA.

Nintendo: Always and Forever

See, that's just the problem isn't it? She's ALWAYS in another castle. Can't these Mushpeople get some informants? I like how this Mushperson's (Toad's?) face is fixed in a state of pixelated wonder as he ponders the dark void that had veiled him while you danced on the bridge dodging flying fireballs. His outstretched arms don't even make it past his head. "The euphoria stops here!" Mario's probably thinking "I'm shorter than TOAD." Little does Toad know that he will be recaptured eight more times and forced to endure the horrific imprisonment with nothing but vague anti-directional floating text to look forward to.

Mega Man. The one that started it all. Check out the box art. I assume this guy is supposed to be Mega Man, but he looks more like a drunken cosmonaut stumbling out of some Aztec/Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds fuzz world. No worries, though. We know this product is "State of the Art" and has "High Resolution Graphics," with a funky neon red "Grid of Tomorrow" behind the picture to sway any naysayers.

In a world...

Christianism

This piece by Andrew Sullivan in Time magazine sums up a common criticism about the state of religion and politics in the United States. I don't like to introduce anything too political or heavy on this site, but I thought this was worth sharing.

Belated Thursday Comedy Slam! - Gandalf

"His treachery runs deeper than you know. By foul craft, Saruman has crossed Orcs with goblin men. He's breeding an army in the caverns of Isengard. An army that can move in sunlight and cover a great distance at speed. Saruman is coming for the Ring and he's not going to stay for tea and sandwiches."

"It is in Men that we must place our hope. *laughs*"

"A Balrog. A demon of the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you. Run."

"The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many."

"I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. Go back to the shadow. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udûn! You shall not pass! No, I'm serious. See the staff?"

"Gandalf? Yes... that was what they used to call me. Gandalf the Gray. That was my name. Wait, ask me to do a magic trick now so I can deny it and then "remember" how for you."

"The veiling shadow that glowers in the East takes shape. Sauron will suffer no rival. From the summit of Barad-dur his eye watches ceaselessly. But he is not so mighty yet that he is above fear. You see, he wears a contact."

"Look to my coming on the first light of the fifth day, at dawn look to the east. I will be hungover far beyond any other in this world."

"From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak I fought with the Balrog of Morgoth... Until at last I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountain side... Darkness took me and I strayed away through thought and time. I have since quit dropping acid."

Hilarious Link of the Day

Enough of this stuffed bear thing.

For some real laughs, check this out.

Caught on the Bound Reclaimed from Childhood Bear

(JAKARTA, Indonesia - Caught on the Bound Newswire) Eight hours after a pre-dawn raid rooted him out, Lonestar Bear was finally defeated and control of the site was returned to Editor-in-Chief Kevin Curran. The website, heavily scarred in the week-long battle, appeared to suffer no serious damage.

"This is a proud day for websites everywhere. To know that a bear attack can be overcome is a ray of hope in this dark world" remarked Curran in his typical over-the-top rhetoric. Staff writer and popular genius Simon Roberts was not injured in the attack, but remains in unstable condition. This has not been fully explained.

Lonestar was finally captured by Caught on the Bound forces as he fled the office, coming under heavy fire. Standing a full ten inches tall, the bear could do little to avoid the human foe. Mangling the popular cliche, Lonestar exclaimed "You may have won the day, but the night brings threats you do not know!" In retrospect, those reporting this incident really have no idea which cliche he mangled. Curran has implemented plans to prevent the coming of night, if necessary.

"He's no Winnie-the-Pooh" stated one staff writer. Others nodded their heads. "He's not the kind of bear to shoot a rainbow out of his stomach or drink Coca-Cola."

Lonestar was extradited back to the realm of imagination where he awaits trial under charges of "information technology abuse" and violation of Stuffed Animal-Owner Code 44b.

Uh oh

As you can see, the site has slipped into all-out chaos. THE WAR MUST GO ON. CAUGHT ON THE BOUND WILL BE RESTORED IN THIS LIFE OR THE NEXT.

Join the resistance! Leave comments in all of Lonestar's posts to break his will. His defeat is our victory (for everyone keeping score at home).

Hive

I will now retrieve honey from that hive that Kevin has pointed out to me. How foolish he is to point out a source of nourishment to me!

Hey

Hey Lonestar! Is that hive full of delicious honey over there?! My gosh! I think it is! You better check it out!

I Rule the School

Welcome to the continuing reign of Lonestar. You must ignore Kevin's thought crimes. Here's my impression of one of Kevin's stupid posts:

Coca-Cola! It is so common! Did you know that it has been a round for a long time? Here are some images I stole from Wikipedia! I will now regurgitate another bit of pop culture history and disguise it as authentic journalism by including stupid comments in between like, "If it's bubbles they were looking for, they should have looked at the one they were standing on when they decided to make Coke II!"

As you can see, Kevin is a fraud. That's why I have been restored to glory through this site. Thank you to all who have supported my reign as Supreme Chancellor, er, webmaster of CotB. And you're absolutely right. I am too cute to have sinister intentions. I am too cute to have sinister intentions. I am too cute to have sinister intentions.

Kevin is wrong

Kevin is lying. He let me take over the site for a week. Also, look at how cute I am! No wonder he's trying to destroy me.

Kevin Here - I Hacked My Way Back Into the Site!

Lonestar has the door to the Caught on the Bound office locked, but I was able to circumvent his ego and gain access to my site. For the record, I never "handed over the reins" to this jerk. He forced me out. Though he be but 10 inches tall, he is mighty. Anyways, I'm going to try to subversively counter his every move until I get my website back. Don't listen to anything he says! Is it common for people to get into epic battles with their childhood stuffed animals?

What a weird week.

Thursday Comedy Slam! - Lonestar Bear

I'm in charge of this site now. I'm making comedy slam my own this week. I am the funniest bear in existence. Dead or living. Twice. Here are some of my best quotes:

"It's come to this. People would rather have elves make their crackers than the grocery store."

"Instead of talking with words and coining money, I find myself coining words and hoping that money talks."

"I watched the Olympics. This one skier just lost his ski and I was like 'are you going back for that? How will you get it back? Oh, he's not going to get it back.'"

"Don't worry about this angel food cake. It's not angels, it's just what they eat. And now they won't have anymore because you are a gluttonous sinner."

"Some people don't understand my sense of humor. But I always make a point to ride with them to the hospital."

"I broke up with my girlfriend, who is also a stuffed bear. We had irreconcilable similarities."

"If I were a statue in a Roman fountain, I would have water coming out my ears."

"Machine guns spoil us. I'm sure some soldier misses the manual days when the bullets were heaved in 3-man teams."

"People always ask me if bears ever wake up from hibernation and go 'OH MY GOD! WHAT TIME IS IT? APRIL? DID I MISS THE MATING?'"

"I ran a marathon once. Worst week ever."