The Radio

Now that I've finally matured, I can say with confidence that much of who I am goes back to a character in the 1987 animated film, The Brave Little Toaster. Yes, I have matured so much. The film, based on the book by Thomas Disch, tells the story of five household appliances who go searching for their Master.

The Radio, voiced by Jon Lovitz, is an old-fashioned bit of electronics and the only character without eyes or a face - he's simply a voice behind a grill who seems to think that one of the Roosevelts is still president.

It's hard to look back at your life and pinpoint pivotal stages of development, but I'm quite certain that any sense of humor I have now is firmly rooted in this character. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the radio:

"I think Houdini did this once, and if I remember right, he was out of the hospital in no time."

The Radio: Things could be worse you know.
Lampy: How?
The Radio: How what?
Lampy: How could they be worse?
The Radio: They couldn't; I lied.

The Radio: If you sabre wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through in an instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley!
[the Radio continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them]
The Radio: A blow for Richard! A blow for Marion! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl and all the boys at the delicatessen! And here's one for the guys on 5th street!

"I've always loved travel anyway: the open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the flies clogging up my grill."

The Radio: [thinking Kirby is a whale] Damn thee accursed whale! By the depths of Hell I stabbeth thee!
Kirby: Climb on, you idiot!
The Radio: Oh, it's you.

Blanky: You can't fool us. We love you.
The Radio: That's right, like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband.

"Why listen to this. I'm picking up something. I think its a news flash: President Roosevelt has declared today a national holiday in honor of those five amazing appliances we've all been hearing about. So lock up the office, take down the top and open that rumble seat. Last one to Coney Island is a party pooper. From the starlight roof high atop the Ritz, we wish our intrepid little friends the best of luck and a fond farewell."

"Get ready, you devil dogs, because the master bebop blaster of all time is about to give you a soul injection."

Lampy: Are you sure this is the right way?
The Radio: I'm as sure as I am honest.
Lampy: In that case, we're definitely lost.