Thursday, July 26, 2007

Into the Lion's Den

My neighborhood here in the dry hills of Orange County, CA has been put under "Mountain Lion Alert" after several sightings and an ill-placed deer carcass in the area. Apparently, the hills are dry enough to force other animals into our canyons in search of water, and the mountain lions are following. Logical, makes sense. THUS! Let the sensationalism begin!

As tales of the mountain lions' deeds spread, so to does the hype and legend! Mountain lions (or cougars or pumas or panthers or baaaad kitties, whatever you call them) have taken on a mythic quality around here.

"I saw one walk across the street. Did you hear me? THE STREET! And you'll never guess what else I saw! Two cubs with her! (The nerve...) And she was HUGE."

This might be a good time to try a little social engineering. Maybe I'll plant some myths and disinformation into the public consciousness here:

-Mountain lions are attracted to fear and will actively seek you out if they can feel it

-Mountain lions have learned to climb trees and will jump on the hood of your car as you pass!

-Mountain lions spawn other smaller mountain lions that will grow up to be NORMAL mountain lions!

-Mountain lions can read minds

-Mountain lions can smell blood, sweat, and unconditioned hair from over 10 miles away

-Mountain lions have been known to fly short distances

-One guy down the street says his friend across the golf course saw a mountain lion microwave its prey with its eyes

-Not only will mountain lions jump on your car, they will try to take control of the vehicle from you so they can search for water

In any case, I'm apparently not supposed to be out running right now. Normally, I would say something like "pssshh" to that, but after reading my own hype, I think I might kick back and read a book instead.