Friday, August 11, 2006

All Dove Goes to Heaven

This afternoon, shortly after I had commenced what had all the signs of a promising shower, I realized that the usual bar of soap that normally occupied the little rack specifically made for it had vanished. I'm sure you've noticed this too. At a certain point, a bar of soap will become so thin and flimsy that it will be impossible to use. Shortly thereafter, it will also be impossible to see after it vanishes sometime between your last shower and the beginning of your current one.

I stared at the shower floor foot tread wondering if the final few traces of my previous bar of Dove could have been blasted away and melted by the initial burst of hot water. Did I misplace it? Maybe. What if I had never been using soap at all for years and had hallucinated shower after soapy shower?! My bar of soap was washed away. The future of this shower was cast into serious doubt: would this be a mere rinse?

Nope. I found a box of Dove on the bathroom counter. Except this was no ordinary Dove! This Dove was herbally-infused with green tea and cucumber. The soap was appropriately a vivid shade of vomit green. Green tea and cucumber? What was I about to do? Rub a sushi box lunch all over my body? It didn't get any better when I checked the shampoo/conditioner in a fit of panic, wondering what horrors awaited me there. Suave. Waterfall Mist. This felt like a good combination. Solid water action that was going to fall on me with a refreshing mist to puncuate my bathing sentence.

The shampoo bottle immediately slipped out of my hand and landed on my foot. As I tended to the task of picking it back up, I saw something along the edge of the shower floor. A little bit of white soap. I watched as the particle got smaller and smaller before finally swirling down the drain. My Dove was dead. My shower began.

What a ridiculous post.

First thing tomorrow I'm switching to Irish Spring. The kind of green I like.