Thursday Comedy Slam! - Chris Rock

"Comedy is the blues for people who can't sing."

"If a bullet cost $5000, there'd be no more innocent bystanders."

"Black people dominate sports in the United States. 10% of the population and 90% of the final four."

"Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special."

"A black man failing black history ... You know fat people don't fail cooking".

"Bush did some things you could never get away with at your job. When Bush started his job, there was a budget surplus. Now there's like a $70 trillion deficit. Now just imagine you worked at the Gap. You're closing out your register and it's $70 trillion short. The average person would get in trouble for that. Then he started a war? Now just imagine you worked at the Gap. You're $70 trillion behind on your register and you start a war with Banana Republic because you know they're selling better tank tops than you. So now you've got employees bleeding all over the khakis. Then you finally take over Banana Republic and you find out they never made tank tops in the first place. "

"We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed."