Sunday, January 29, 2006

No Quaffing Matter: Spanish Coca-Cola

Brian, Caught on the Bound's Barcelona Bureau Chief, reports:

During my last few months here in beautiful Barcelona, Spain - Catalunyan capital of Jazz fusion, separatist pride, and trippy modernist architecture - I've noticed a startling phenomenon. Coke cans are weightier in Europe. At first, I was startled: "Wait! Can this be all there is!? Have I truly
caroused all the nectarous magic of this one soft drink??" Please, do not mistake my shock for an ill-construed quaffing disaster. I do not quaff. I sip, pause, enjoy, let the pure goodness flow down my throat and through my veins until an all-consuming energy rattles the depths of my bones. There is no quaffing in this apartment.

But still! How can this 33 mL aluminum can have emptied so quickly? My instincts told me something was awry. This can . . . this can CANNOT be a normal can. In an effort to uncover the mystery at hand, I was led to the one, the only strategy that would bring justice to a soda-deprived world: the scientific method. It never fails. EVER. It was a task of the ages, well worth the pain, effort, and extra calories. Was it just Coca Cola that led to such flurried disenchantment? What about Fanta?
¿¿Naranja y limón?? The Brazilian cherry wonder Guarana Antarctica? Spanish beer Estrella Damm? After excessive experimenting and a quick siesta, I concluded that, indeed, cans here are heavier, and all weigh basically the same.

But Oh, the disillusionment!!! -- the chagrin of drinking so many cans of soda, and with each one hoping that there remain a few more drops, only to be left with a profound bitterness in my pit stomach. I'm not sure if I'll ever truly become accustomed to this new, strange world . . . one where the Spanish language is loathed, where stores close from 2pm to 5pm every day, and where drinking a soda leaves me always hoping for una gota más.

Soy Brian, Agarrado en el Brinco correspondiente de Barcelona, despidiéndose.