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Bush denies al Qaeda at pre-September 11 strength

No comment regarding on-September 11 strength.

Fuel oil-laden tanker grounded off New York City

What they can't figure out, is how it ever got off the ground in the first place.

Gun shops under closer scrutiny (AP)

It has something to do with the sale of weapons. We always knew they had something to do with the use of guns...

CBS News chief: Couric staying anchored (AP)

Get it? Because she's the anchor...and she's staying!

Man owes $10,000 for child who's not his

That's usually how adoption works, isn't it? Except this isn't adoption.

Potter's magic breaks record

There has to be a charm that can fix it, though.

Food vendor's buns are made of cardboard

This makes it especially difficult for him to sit on a wet bench.

Lightning + iPods = ZZZZZTTTTTT!

ZZZZZTTTTTT! is the standard CNN style guide-approved term for onomatopoeic electrocutions. Note the 6 Ts as opposed to the 5 Zs.

Fencer leaves PanAm Games after stabbing

That's the object of the sport right? Other news: "Swimmer leaves meet after getting wet"

Samoan Butterflies Evolving Fast

Just a few weeks ago they were these worm-like crawly things!