Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Press Conference - July 24, 2006

Sorry, I'm late. OK, let's begin.

"Yeah, uh, you realize that you're about 2 months late for this conference right?"

I, uh, yes of course. Did you guys get some coffee back there? We gave them coffee didn't we? Do we still give you donuts? Tell you what, take my blog credit card and go get yourself a bagel and lox. Yes, go ahead.

"Hi, how do you explain your prolonged absence?"

I was in London for most of the time. The rest of the surprise sabbatical was spent sitting in the corner ridden with blog angst.

"Do they not have computers or internet in London?"

They do, but the shift key is smaller and it caused me to type like **~~tHIS a LoT~~**. It made me look like a 7th grade girl with a hot crush, a wall of friends, and a myspace account barely holding it all together.

"Wait, this is a press conference. How did you just express the way you type while speaking to us. What does "like this a lot" even look like? You're mixing mediums."

Hey, have you ever walked by an elementary school and wondered how a kid carries a 50 lbs. backpack when he only weighs 47 lbs.? Have you ever looked at a fire engine and thought, "why don't I just call my car an engine too and be cool?" If you answered yes or no to either of these questions, you've spent too much time at this press conference and not enough exploring the complexities of our world. It's a world where sadness is called blues and hearts can be golden. It's a world where the mediums are mixed all the time.

*about 10 minutes of murmuring and general confusion by press*

"What do you mean by blog angst?"

It's a lot like teen angst, but fewer slammed doors and improved self-esteem. Actually, you know what? Everyone....out. OUT. We're done with this.