Do You Believe in Gosh?

Mitch Hedberg's third comedy album, "Do You Believe in Gosh?" will be released posthumously on September 9th. The material is all previously unreleased and was recorded shortly before his death in March 2005. His widow, Lynn Shawcroft, assembled the tracks for the album and took its title from a note Mitch scribbled in one of his notebooks. Dead-Frog has a cool photo of one of his set lists. Nifty handwriting.

Alright.

New AD for ND

Jack Swarbrick will be introduced today as Notre Dame's new athletic director. I can only assume he's already busy working on The USC Question and The Michigan Issue.

(Hat tip: Blue-Gray Sky)

The Rules of RPGs

I'm more of an action-RPG person (Zelda or Landstalker rather than Final Fantasy), but I still enjoyed and related to these. A sampling:

Nostradamus Rule
All legends are 100% accurate. All rumors are entirely factual. All prophecies will come true, and not just someday but almost immediately.

Selective Paralysis
Your characters must always keep both feet on the ground and will be unable to climb over low rock ledges, railings, chairs, cats, slightly differently-colored ground, or any other trivial objects which may happen to be in their way. Note that this condition will not prevent your characters from jumping from railroad car to railroad car later in the game.

Bed Bed Bed
A good night's sleep will cure all wounds, diseases, and disabilities, up to and including death in battle.

Zelda's Axiom
Whenever somebody tells you about "the five ancient talismans" or "the nine legendary crystals" or whatever, you can be quite confident that Saving the World will require you to go out and find every last one of them.

Law of Cartographical Elegance
The world map always cleanly fits into a rectangular shape with no land masses that cross an edge.

Figurehead Rule
Whenever someone asks you a question to decide what to do, it's just to be polite. He or she will ask the question again and again until you answer "correctly."

Adopt Me! Not Like THAT!

Lame.

Bad Starts

So maybe your day isn't getting off to that bad of a start...

Police officer Tim Pochron of Indiana managed to have his squad car wrecked 29 minutes into the job. Turns out the squad car was parked and hit by a driver who tested quite positive for drugs. Just what a 26 year-old dude needs on his first day as a rookie.

This isn't quite as bad as the 17 year-old rookie plumber who burned down a $12 million mansion on his first day about a year ago.

Me? I set the printer to make 20 color copies of a pamphlet when I only needed 10 copies in black and white. I know, try to contain your sympathy.

Skylines - Dubai

In case you're wondering about all these skyline pictures, I should mention that I have a fascination with urban development and skyscrapers. I also don't know anything about these things. If you find a cool image of a city, skyline or urban scene, let me know!

Venice

Quote of the Day

My brother, Kyle, approaches me

Kyle: Can I be somebody?

Me: What?

Kyle: I just want to use your computer to look up movie showtimes quick.

Me: Oh, right. Sure.

Illegal Snake Bust

I love headlines with phrases like "illegal snake bust" or "pumpkin caper gone awry" or "snowman meets maker in late March."

I suppose I had some awareness of the underground exotic animal trade, but I never thought to connect the snake-handling fundamentalist Christian churches with it. Of course, it makes sense if you're the pastor of a place like the Right Hand Of Jesus With Signs Following Church in Alabama.

"You can purchase anything off the Internet except common sense," zoo director Jim Harrison said. "A venomous snake isn't a pet. You don't play with it. If you do, you're an idiot."

The Weight - Weezer Cover

Chess-Boxing

"Fighting is done in the ring and wars are waged on the board."

Newspaper Deathwatch

The Gray Lady struggles, along with most other papers.

Just a second, I have an alien in my head...

The Village Voice has an article about Scientology losing a major legal thingy (I didn't go to law school, I don't keep track of the official terms). Anyways, here's a good snippet about it from Dispatches from the Culture Wars:

"The article contains a lot of information, including details about Scientology's "OT III", the secret things that only a select few Scientologists get to learn (only after spending a fortune on earlier "auditing" sessions). In OT III they learn that their body is inhabited by the soul of an alien banished to Earth by Xenu, the galactic overlord."

Other than that, it was a good day.

Improv Everywhere Strikes Again

A very cool mission in New York involving twins!

Publishing

USA! USA! USA!

Heading somewhere this summer? Touring far-flung continents and countries? A new survey finds that American tourists aren't perceived that badly in the world.

The survey notes the American effort to at least try speaking the native tongue. I think the real reason we do this is an attempt to justify our minor in college, or in my case, my secondary major in Japanese. When I was in Paris touring the museums, I found myself conversing with Japanese tourists whenever I could. At one particular exhibit, I overheard a Japanese couple talking about the color of an outdoor sculpture. Before I thought about it, I said something like, "Yes, it certainly is a strange color."

The couple looked at me aghast, as if to say, "You didn't hear that part where we were making fun of your pants did you?" At that point, I remembered my Japanese professor mentioning that a lot of people might be thrown off or weirded out if you, as a foreigner, go up to a Japanese person and start speaking their language. If anything, it's almost better to stumble over the pronunciation or make it seem like you're reading from a phrasebook.

The French were funny, too. My girlfriend and I bought a French phrasebook and would at least try to order food or say things like, "My milk is very toasty, please? Thank you! Tour Eiffel?" The French would sort of acknowledge the effort and then launch into a perfected form of broken English good enough to communicate with any tourist.

Words is hard.

Overheard En Route

On my flight from Philadelphia to Phoenix today (on the way back to California):

Marine (to older woman sitting next him): Wow! You're the first normal-looking person I've sat next to all day!

Woman: Oh, I...well....

Marine: I mean, everyone else is always weird or sneezing or rolling over my armrest.

Woman: Yes, yes I suppose so.

Marine: Thanks for making my day.

Woman: You're very welcome.

Voicemail: End of An Era?

I've never been a fan of it. Someone else had the same idea. I can certainly see how voicemail was a big deal when it first appeared in the 80s and solved a number of business staffing and communications problems, but I think it's quite clear that email has rendered much of that moot.

I remember my Dad cycling through what appeared to be scores of voice messages every night after getting home from work. The problem is obvious: with voicemail, you have to listen to every single one without a way of scanning or previewing to ascertain importance.

Is there a way of leaving voicemails via email or Internet? I think there has to be, I'm just too lazy to look it up.

Hitler Beheaded

Some brave soul broke through enemy lines, found his way to Berlin and beheaded the Fuhrer...63 years too late.

Definitions - 7/5/08

ribald - of or pertaining to a kind of bread toupee

cruise-control - Scientology

catalyst - an organized record of various felines

carburetor - an automobile freezer

spirit - primitive hunting command

inherent - typical monthly payment that lice make for room and board

Venus Beats Serena at Wimbledon; Kevin Confronts Past

I don't follow tennis that closely, but I do follow sibling rivalry with particular zeal. Venus, after losing five of her last meetings with Serena, restored sibling order. Their father, Richard, flew back home because he can't stand to watch his daughters play each other.

As the oldest sibling in my family, I did a small and quiet fist-pump to myself. Older siblings always have a tough graveyard spiral of an existence. We are in firm control until the first time the younger sibling(s) questions one of our bogus lies -- "Wait a second! There's no monster in this closet waiting to eat me!" From that point on, it's a long slide. The younger sibling finally beats you at basketball or chess or with a club. Maybe he/she does better than you did on some school test. A sense of impending dread sets in: the age advantage is vanishing fast.

When you're 10 and your sibling is 7, you are lord of all the world and several nearby galaxies. When you are 43 and your sibling is 41, you have nothing left. I'm in between those two arbitrary measuring points. My brother is two and half years younger and certainly has his own talents and successes. As the older brother, there is pride in this. Maybe it was something I taught him! But there is doubt too. Maybe I was holding him back with teasing or being an idiot when I was 12.

I'm sure Venus has had to grapple with these questions. She's had plenty of her own success, but it must have been hard to lose five straight times to her younger sister. There's always plenty of talk of the middle child getting Jan Brady-ed and forgotten or the younger sibling constantly living in a shadow, but there's also something that happens to the older kid who has to examine and compare personalities, achievements and success. I've always been proud of my brother and truly want the best for him, but it's nice to know that, like Venus, there's still some fight in the aged Sibling Who Would Be King.

So two cheers for the younger siblings. It would be three, but come on, we have to have something on you.

Friends to Go Film

Sex and the City's success may have had some influence on this. Meanwhile, I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of boyfriends cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

But major questions hang over this! Where will they take the story? Are they actually going to have Ross and Rachel break up again and then get back together only to break up and get back together again....again? Are they all going to move back to the city and undo the whole point of the series' end? Maybe it will be some crazy art film where Joey wanders Manhattan and comes across a boarded up Central Perk, only to see the face of a younger, more attractive man staring back at him in a fragment of broken mirror. The film ends with Ross running for five minutes straight until he reaches the sea and turns to look at the camera with a weary look of existential angst before the fade. Fin.

I would see that.

The Scary Door

I enjoyed some of Sci Fi Channel's Twilight Zone marathon today and it reminded me of Futurama's parody:

Man Hits His Head and Wakes Up Able to Play Piano

Quite a story.

Sticking Some Science to the Candidates

Science Debate 2008 draws up fourteen questions for the presidential candidates to answer. A cursory glance reveals no mention of androids, The Q Continuum, The Matrix, underwater aliens, asteroids, The Prime Directive, telepathy, UFOs or teleportation. Count me disappointed. When will our politicians address the issues that Hollywood and its consumers face on a daily basis?

What would McCain do if an asteroid decided to take a fateful turn and hurtle towards Earth? Will Obama settle the issue of telepathy once and for all? When will we confront alien threats and who, pray tell, will you trust when the Matrix has you?

OK, sure, I'm referring to more science fiction than science, but that's what things like landing on the moon were called before they happened.

Holographic Google Earth

OK, so it's still a 2D projection, but it looks great. I can't wait to see technology ten or twenty years from now.


Holographic Google Earth from Nicolas Loeillot on Vimeo.

Slaves to the Fads

Celebrities started a lot of stupid fads. Is it weird that I actually kind of like The Rachel?

To Idaho....and Beyond!

An Oregon lawn-chair pilot returns to the skies. This time, he's sponsored! He even has his own website with some good pictures. His next flight will be July 5, 2008 across Oregon and into Idaho, hopefully Boise. He also has plans to someday cross the English Channel or Australia by lawn-chair/balloons.

Kent Couch: A Hero for Our Time.

Some Decades (Like the 90s) Are Worth Repeating

902102?

As in a spin-off to Beverly Hills, 90210.

My earliest memories of the show, like many an 8 year-old boy, are of my friend's older sister tuning in every week. By the time I reached middle school, the show was starting to get wild - people were having babies and stabbing each other or something. All because Kelly Kapowski left Saved By the Bell and became evil Valerie! Fortunately, I was able to get my required cultural education about the show from reruns of the earlier sensation-inducing seasons. I was about 13 when I first caught a few episodes of 90210 in this syndicated time capsule and what I saw opened my eyes: high school was going to be so cool.

Gangs! Jealousy! Affairs! Kelly Kapowski! The Peach Pit! Self-absorbed teenagers in their 30s! This was going to be so awesome!

And then high school was really more like middle school but with a lot of homework. Maybe this time around, 90210 won't lie to me.

Looking Under the Hood of Laughter

Humor continues to provide scientific fodder for psychologists. National humor genes? Natural selection criteria? It's all here.

I challenge this bit toward the end of the article:

"One popular field of research is the effect of humour on health, which is widely assumed to be positive. The results so far are inconclusive, and slightly disturbing for anyone who likes to laugh. Rod Martin points out that if humour is good for health, then it should be associated with longevity. Yet it appears that cheerful people live less long than their gloomier peers, perhaps because they are too jolly to worry about their aches and pains. It may be true, as the proverb says, that he who laughs last laughs longest. But it seems that he who laughs longest does not last."

But isn't there some other study out there that says laughter is good exercise? Yes! There is!

Instead of "everything causes cancer," we might be heading for an era of "laughter causes everything."

Angelina Jolie Twin Saga Continues

Angelina Jolie gives birth to twins for what appears to be the third time in the last month. You know, when she actually does give birth, no one is going to believe it. The media will be "the papers who cried twins." They're essentially sapping the story of its consumer value with every false positive.

That said, Caught on the Bound Celebrity Analysts can confirm that Jolie has given birth to twins, based on a reliable source who knows the cousin of the neighbor who lives next door to her attending nurse. We are standing by that story. Forever.

Death of a Melody: Did Art Kill the Pop Song?

Whatever happened to hummable, catchy melodies?

New Sherlock Holmes Movie

Gregory (Scotland Yard detective): "Is there any other point to which you would wish to draw my attention?"

Holmes: "To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time."

Gregory: "The dog did nothing in the night-time."

Holmes: "That was the curious incident."

Variety is reporting a new Sherlock Holmes movie starring Sasha Baron Cohen as Holmes and Will Ferrell as Watson. As some of you may know, I'm a huge Sherlock Holmes fan. This is kind of a big deal. It will apparently be a comedic take on the classic duo and their adventures. So what do I think?

Well, since you asked, I think this could actually work really well. I have nothing against Will Ferrell, but I'm a little worried about how he might portray Watson - will he be buffoonish like Nigel Bruce opposite Basil Rathbone who couldn't go near a mop bucket without putting his foot in it, or will he be the strong, intelligent Watson of David Burke opposite Jeremy Brett in the more recent British television series?

My money is on the former, since this is a comedy, but this could be a fun take-off on the characters. My ultimate dream is to see a full-length serious and entertaining Sherlock Holmes film that weaves in several of the more compelling short stories, but I think this might do quite nicely.

(Hat tip: John)

The Presidential Race is Over

(Blogging to you live from Starbucks at 31st and 7th in New York.)

Obama tops McCain as the preferred barbecue guest. You may recall that President Bush performed well in the "barbecue guest" and "have a beer with" tests of yesterelection. I'm not sure about Bill Clinton, but I'll bet he led in this crucial question as well back in 1992.

All Ears

On the personal front, I just returned from a slightly ridiculous doctor appointment.

Last year in April, I emerged from the shower to find one of my ears completely plugged. Waxy it seemed. Well, unlike any other time in life, I was unable to clear it. Doom. I couldn't hear out of my left ear and was feeling out of balance for several days. Finally, I went to the doctor and had my ear flushed out. Still didn't fix it. I was given some over-the-counter drops and a syringe. A few more days, still plugged. The second visit to the doctor did the trick. Instead of using the weak wussy irrigator, they were able to find the ultra atomic irrigator that had been misplaced during a recent office move. Within a few seconds, I could hear again. I learned some interesting things about ear wax, or cerumen, as the medical professionals call it. Q-Tips are generally a bad idea unless used on the very outer ear (which I knew) and there are two different kinds of ear wax. Africans and Caucasians have a brown, honey-like sticky kind while Asians and Pacific Islanders tend to have a gray, flaky kind (which I did not know).

Flash forward to last weekend. Exact same thing happens in the exact same ear. No idea why this happens. I go to the doctor today for help and find it to be an annoying process since I know exactly what needs to be done, but still have to fill out all sorts of papers, explain my family history of disease and have my height measured. The doctor was training a physician's assistant today and sent her in to look at me first. She seemed kind of puzzled by the whole thing, taking diligent notes and asking me questions like "So when did you first notice this?" or "Do you ever pour wax into your ears?" After this illuminating discussion, she decided to "take a look."

"Wax" was the verdict. She then had me stand up facing away from her and administered a hearing test by rubbing her fingers together near each of my ears and noting how far away she could move them with me still hearing them. The right ear could still hear the rubbing fingers when they were three feet away. "Wow, that's pretty good" she said. Now, the left ear. "What was taking so long? Let's go!" I thought, before realizing that she had been rubbing her fingers together an inch away from my left ear. I was completely deaf in that one. "Wow, that's not good at all" she said.

At this point, I was ready to walk over to the sink, turn on the warm water and begin priming the syringe, when suddenly the doctor walked in. "Got some wax, eh?" This guy was obviously trying to show he was a seasoned veteran when it came to cerumen impaction. Now, I thought I would be getting the smooth, pulsing efficiency of the ear-igator like I did last time, but NO! This doctor brought out what can only be described as an industrial two foot-long metallic syringe monstrosity. This was going into my ear.

It was over soon enough. The physician's assistant peered inside my ear again and proudly proclaimed, "No more wax! I'll bet you can hear now!"

It was true. I could hear things like air, tongue depressors and t-shirt vibrations.

No More Terrorist Fist Jab?

UPDATE (7/2): Bogus.

We hardly knew ye. I think Obama should keep using it, personally. It might catch on the way Kennedy set a no-hat trend for American men. Incidentally, it would be kind of cool if we still had the hat thing, but the main point I'm trying to make is that we should embrace change, know hope and fist jab to our heart's content.

Wikipedia is full of wonder on the subject (italics mine):

"Time magazine wonders if it evolved from the handshake and the high-five. They cite knuckle bumping in the 1970s with NBA player Baltimore Bullets guard Fred Carter. Others claim the Wonder Twins, minor characters in the 1970s Hanna-Barbera superhero cartoon Super Friends, who touched knuckles and cried "Wonder Twin powers, activate!" were the originators."

Skymall

Lost Beatles Interview to Air

"The British Broadcasting Corp. will air a long lost Beatles interview featuring John Lennon and Paul McCartney talking about the day they met and their songwriting partnership.

The precious film sat forgotten for 44 years in a garage in south London until film fan Richard Jeffs realized a piece of pop history was contained inside."

Why does this stuff always end up in a garage or basement or attic somewhere? Every home should have a treasure box instead. Cool stuff goes in the treasure box. How do you know if it's cool stuff?

Is it old?

If yes, do you know what it is?

If no, find out. If yes, does it involve the most influential musicians of the last century?

If yes, remove from garage/attic/basement and place in treasure box.

The people will be round to collect them once a week.

The Machine Stops

I have yet to see WALL-E, but found this post on Britannica Blog notable since it points out a "thoroughly worked-out allusion" to one of my favorite short stories, E.M. Forster's 1909 work The Machine Stops.

I've been familiar with Forster since high school when my class read A Passage to India, a novel exploring the subtleties and shades of misunderstanding and universality in the cultural mingling of British colonial India. During Notre Dame's summer London program, my English class read The Machine Stops, a nearly hundred year-old work exploring a dystopian future in which humans are lazy and disconnected, relying on machines to do most of their work. Most social interaction occurs through telescreens rather than actual physical contact (as the Britannica post notes, quite similar to Facebook and MySpace eh?) in a civilization that has long since retreated underground, leaving machines to manage the decaying surface of the Earth.

I look forward to seeing WALL-E more than ever now, especially since it seems to be the latest installment in the science fiction tradition of giving lifeless dystopian futures a pulse. And if there's one thing I love, it's lifeless dystopian futures. Um, with hope and love trying to break through. With a pulse. Or something.

Whatever.

Nerds Through the Ages

A review of Benjamin Nugent's book, American Nerd: The Story of My People. What makes a nerd a nerd? Where did they come from? Where are they going? And how did they get so ridiculously rich?

The Tunguska Event: 100 Years Later

A nice summary of the mysterious Tunguska event that flattened a good swath of Siberia on June 30, 1908.

Stand-up Soars

Stand-up comedy is doing well these days. Variety cites the tough economic times, but I think it also has to do with accessibility. It's now easier than ever to watch or listen to stand-up - podcasts, satellite radio, cable, college tours, expansive city tours and YouTube have risen on top of the usual clubs, which can be a little pricey these days. There's also a significant undercurrent of alternative comedy, especially in New York and Chicago, getting more attention and stage time.

I think another factor contributing to this surge is how specialized the entertainment has become. Almost everyone can find a comedian or two that closely aligns to a particular sense of humor, from blue collar Larry the Cable Guy to skeptical transvestite Eddie Izzard, Jim Gaffigan to Mitch Hedberg (he's still popular posthumously), Demetri Martin to Mike Birbiglia to Jerry Seinfeld - there's someone or something for everyone. And this goes without mentioning the attention that the late George Carlin generated both for his career and his influence on others.

So while the "tough times" surely influence some of this, I think a lot of credit should go to new media and the people plugging into it.

Pixar's First Short - From 1984

Yes, 1984!



More background here.

The Infernal Machine

Our second quantum-related post of the day (after the new Bond trailer). The Large Hadron Collider will go online in August with physicists and nerds eagerly awaiting some insight into the mysteries of the universe.

Of course, what's the fun in playing God with diabolical machines without fears and criticism? Will we create a black hole that swallows Earth? Will we, as the CNN puts it, be subject to particles that turn our planet into a hot dead clump?

"Ridiculous, say scientists at the European Organization for Nuclear Research, known by its French initials CERN -- some of whom have been working for a generation on the $5.8 billion collider, or LHC."

Juvenile! Absurd!

"Obviously, the world will not end when the LHC switches on," said project leader Lyn Evans.

David Francis, a physicist on the collider's huge ATLAS particle detector, smiled when asked whether he worried about black holes and hypothetical killer particles known as strangelets.

"If I thought that this was going to happen, I would be well away from here," he said.

But where would you go, David? You think your PhD will save you now?? I'm sure some smart-ass dinosaur turned to his friend and said, "There's no way that asteroid hits Earth. If I thought that was going to happen, I would be well away from here."

Seriously, no worries though. Stephen Hawking says any black holes produced in this atom-smashing fest will evaporate quickly. Vegas odds of catastrophic global apocalypse: 1/50,000,000. I don't know how you would collect that winning payout though.

I'm secretly, and now openly, hoping for a 2001: A Space Odyssey journey into the ultimate transcendent nature of humanity when they hit the switch.

New Bond Film "Quantum of Solace" Trailer

Out in November. I thought the reboot with Casino Royale was great, so I'm looking forward to this one. Speaking of reboots in the second phase, The Dark Knight will be released July 18.

Obama's Seal

Regarding the new seal unveiled by the Obama campaign last week: I, like many, I think, initially cringed. It looks a lot like the official presidential seal and also includes a clumsy "Vero Possumus" slogan in the center - "Yes We Can."

Crazy. Is Obama overreaching now? Maybe, but perhaps this is the most brilliant idea since FDR's Fala. Yeah, the seal is kind of ridiculous, but think of the mind games. People are going to see Obama speaking from behind a seal that looks a lot like the real presidential seal. People are going to get used to seeing him speak about the war, the economy, hope and change accompanied by a symbol conjuring up images of the presidency. If he looks comfortable behind a presidential-looking seal, people might get comfortable with the idea of an Obama presidency. It's a pseudo-subliminal effect! Akin to having a band play a tune reminiscint of "Hail to the Chief" whenever he walks into a room. You may not like it, but if you wouldn't necessary be opposed to it, the same could happen with Obama's name on the November ballot.

A Different Kind of Claw Game

You know those claw games at arcades or Denny's that never ever ever give you a prize? Now you can try to win a live lobster in one, says the Denver Post.

Requisite PETA outrage:

"JD's Lobster Zone machine turns torture and death into a game, pure and simple," says PETA vice president Tracy Reiman. "Incarcerating lobsters in filthy tanks inside a boisterous club, making an abusive game out of their capture, and finally boiling them to death is every bit as reprehensible as tormenting cats, dogs, or any other animal."

Full Disclosure: Sports Allegiances

I figured I should state my sports allegiances for the record. They reflect a strange childhood of frequent moves and glory days past, but I figure as long as I'm loyal to these teams consistently over the years, no one can fault me for rooting for a cross-nation mosaic of clubs.

NBA: Chicago Bulls (lived in the Chicago area during the Jordan years and still love them...despite hard times)

NFL: Carolina Panthers (lived in North Carolina, decided to become a fan when they were included in the 1995 expansion along with Jacksonville, not really a big NFL fan, but this is my team, I suppose)

MLB: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Surrounding Territories including Riverside and Orange Counties and the Inland Empire (fan since I was 13 years old, spent my formative years in Orange County) See here for renaming fiasco.

NHL: Anaheim Ducks (same reasons as above)

NCAA Football: Notre Dame (2007 graduate); Nebraska (family ties, I was born in Lincoln, will cheer for ND over Nebraska, would ideally like to see both playing each other for the national title every year)

NCAA Basketball: Notre Dame, Nebraska (see above)

MLS: Los Angeles Galaxy (fan since 1995 when I proclaimed to my brother, "The Galaxy are going all the way" and they damn near did)

English Premier League: Arsenal (I arbitrarily latched onto them in the late 90s and decided they would be my horse in this race, my dog in that fight)

Dodgers Beat Angels Without a Hit

As an Angels fan, I am annoyed. 1-0 loss.

Save Ferris

Kingda Ka

This ride was the highlight of my trip to Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey yesterday. Similar to Knott's Berry Farm's Xcelerator, but way more insane - faster, higher and headache-inducing. In the 2.5 seconds I was aware of what was going on, I didn't think the ride could possibly get any faster. Everything started to rattle and my body tried to tell me, through all the screams, that humans really shouldn't do this kind of thing. Zero to 128 mph in 3.5 seconds.

"You win again, gravity!!!"

Not Wanted?

John finds some allies in his lonely crusade against Wanted, which brought in $50 million this weekend.

Attacking Mars

The Phoenix Mars Lander continues to make progress. It's only a matter of time before we uncover this.

Euro 2008 Final

Germany v Spain tomorrow at 2:45 Eastern! At least, I think that's the right time. I always have trouble figuring out times for international soccer/football matches. Even ESPN lists it as "14:45 ET." It seems the United States (or maybe just ESPN) tries to be cool and international when it comes to soccer. Anyways, I'll be watching.

Teen Killed at Georgia Six Flags

Scary, sad news and on the same day I was at Six Flags in Jackson, NJ!

Out and Proud

I don't usually browse through Yahoo!'s omg! that often (not that there's anything wrong with that), but found this cool photo album of Hollywood's out and proud.

What the World Eats

Very cool gallery from TIME's website featuring photos of families from around the world and what they eat during a typical week. Weekend cultural education? Check.

The Way of the Future

Some website housekeeping announcements:

1) This blog's RSS feed is here if you're interested. Just bookmark it and you'll be notified when there's an update.

2) Note the new "On the Bound" section in the sidebar. I'm giving Twitter a try, partially for fun and partially out of curiosity. I'm not sure that adding another layer of information updates to my life is a good thing, but it would be nice to use as a way to check in when I can't make it to the laptop.

3) I've been updating the blog a lot more recently and hope to keep up the better pace. I finally got a feed reader set up and this has made me about a thousand times more productive and efficient with keeping tabs on news, blogs and people. As you can see, I'm trying to integrate feeds and updates into this site more.

4) Congratulations to Simon on his graduation from Stanford with a Masters in electrical engineering! I've known Simon since 7th grade and I credit him with getting me into blogging when we collaborated on the famed blog of old, IKWITA. Best of luck Simon! You're welcome to guest blog here whenever you like. Same goes for Brian, our other former IKWITAer, who has his new blog here.

WTF NC?

A North Carolina grandmother learns about the "potentially offensive letter combination" WTF from her grandchildren and complains to the state authorities, who were surprised to find that a sample license plate on their website also contained The-Letter-Combination-That-Must-Not-Be-Named.

"Officials learned last year the common acronym stands for a vulgar phrase in e-mail and cell phone text messages."

Seriously? They're just now learning this? I clearly remember seeing "WTF?" emblazoned on an elementary school locker when I was in kindergarten. This was shortly after I had been introduced to the Biblical word for donkey several days before by an especially communicative class bully. And where did I attend kindergarten? Millbrook Elementary in Raleigh, North Carolina.

UPDATE: Andrew Sullivan picks up the case, too.

UDDATE: Brendan Loy, as well.

Candy Bar ID Quiz

How many candy bars can you identify based on a cross-section photo?

For the record, I got 14 out of 20 correct. I'm not sure if I'm more proud or ashamed. Anyway, let me know how you do!

The Setup

Michael Showalter and Mike Birbiglia sending each other up:

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

What's the deal with comedic set-ups on talk shows? Did you ever notice that Seinfeld is the easiest comedian to spot this with? I was watching some of his guest spots on The Tonight Show and it's very obvious when he launches into a stand-up bit rather than normal conversation. I love the guy, but man...

Tone Deafness Studied

90% of people can carry a tune.

Heat Burst in Nebraska

Since I just returned from a quick trip to Nebraska, it's worth posting this story about a recent heat burst in Cozad. Nebraska gets some of the strangest weather in the country.

From Wikipedia on heat bursts:

"A heat burst is a rare atmospheric phenomenon characterised by gusty winds and a rapid increase in temperature and decrease in dew point."

The phenomenon is not fully understood, apparently.

Apocalypse Watch 2008

Here.

Among other things, I suppose.

Facebook vs. Grammar

The challenges continue.

"Users who haven't specified their gender in their Facebook profiles will be asked to do so in the coming weeks. That way, Facebook doesn't have to default to "their" or the made-up word "themself," as it had been doing.

While not knowing someone's gender poses grammatical challenges in English, it has created even larger headaches as Facebook expands to other languages, where a gender-neutral option isn't available in plural form."

Letterman Ratings Hit Record Low

You know, it's probably people like me that made Letterman hit his lowest ratings since 1993. I'm a casual fan, but haven't been watching the show lately. I think Conan has assumed the younger, quirky niche. Maybe Letterman should try throwing snowballs at Brian Williams' office window...or Katie Couric's. (Unfortunately, I am unable to find of video of Conan doing this. If someone finds it, let me know!) My Dad told me that Letterman was big when he was in college - the Jon Stewart of his time.

In conclusion, Letterman needs to get his act together.

Obamania

He's quite popular. A collection of Obama magazine cover appearances. The New Republic's tripped me out for a second.

Love's Labors Lost at Sea

PZ Myers waxes lyrical about the romance of researching rotting squid carcasses:

"You have got to love cephalopod researchers. A rotting carcass, possibly of Architeuthis, is found in California — shredded by sharks, missing its eyes and most of its arms, torn by shrieking seagulls, described as bruised, battered, and chewed up — and the scientists are all "Helloooo, Nurse!", and you can just imagine one of their hind legs doing a spastic tarantella and their eyes zooming out big as saucers."

Remembering George Carlin (But Not Too Much)

I haven't had time to comment on George Carlin's passing due to travels and a hectic schedule recently, but I did want to say a few things about him, especially since I've been doing stand-up comedy for a few years and have certainly thought about his style and influence on people like me.

He would have mocked us for thinking about him, remembering him or talking of him in the afterlife. I think Carlin's independence and skepticism stood out more to me than his ranting about society's ills and absurdities. His comedy, at least for me, wasn't always the kind of positive energy I admire in Eddie Izzard, for example, but it was, for better or worse, usually true.

I first encountered Carlin on an HBO special aired sometime in the late 1990s while I was staying up late and unable to sleep. I found him incredibly clever and soon took the opportunity to borrow a copy of his Braindroppings book from a high school friend. I read the rest of his books within a month, but never had a chance to catch-up with a lot of his stand-up until the past year or so and the treasure trove that is YouTube.

Now that I've been performing stand-up for a little while, I can see that Carlin's biggest influence on me is not in the way I tell jokes or the attitude he imparted on several generations - it comes more from his way of thinking and trust in individual reason. Something seems absurd to you? Explore it...you may be right. It's at the foundation of many comedic premises and certainly something most comedians are aware of, but it was the way Carlin's intellect made you laugh and then soaked into your brain to make you think, long after your belly soreness wore off that truly mattered. You remembered his take on the world as you learned about science and religion. Or evolution and psychic claims. Carlin was fiercely independent in his humor and his mind - and he only asked us to do the same.

Vatican to World: It's Tradition, Not Prada

The Vatican is jabbing back at papers and magazines that have speculated about the Pope's flamboyant fashion statements over the past few years. Red leather shoes and a brimmed hat dubbed "the Saturn" have led some to speculate that the old pontiff was wearing duds forged by major fashion houses like Prada or Gucci or Forever 21 or whatever.

But neigh! Apparently, Popes have always been dressing this way. The Pope wears funny red hats because the Popes of old have worn funny red hats and that's just the way it is. Tradition: the beginning and end of all reasons.

D'oh!

Kona Koffee Kapers

From the AP:

KAILUA-KONA, Hawaii - Police in Hawaii say a thief got his caffeine fix when he made off with more than 1,000 pounds of Kona coffee beans.

Police say the beans were taken from a home sometime between May 27 and May 29. The beans were in 100-pound burlap bags.

The Kona area of Hawaii's Big Island is famous for its premium coffee beans.

Police are asking the public to report anyone trying to sell green coffee beans.

Or experiencing convulsive twitches while chatting with 5000 of his/her closest friends. That's a lot of premium coffee to run off with. You can't even run off with that amount, can you? You would need a truck, a Boesky, at least two Jim Browns, one Miss Daisy, two Jethros and the biggest Ella Fitzgerald ever.

How much caffeine would it take to kill you? Here's a good way to find out. Just enter your drink of choice and the caffeine calculator will tell you how many you'll need to punch a ticket to Ghost Town.*


(*Ghost Town is not a legitimate slang term for death and was made up for the purposes of this post. Then again, should any slang term be "legitimate"? Puzzles. Conundrums. It's what we do.)

RSS Feed

RSS Feed for this site is here in case you want to be notified of new posts, but would rather not check everyday (especially when I slack off).

Virtual Speedbumps

Philadelphia will install 100 virtual speedbumps, optical illusions that slow people down without damaging cars, slowing down emergency vehicles or being an annoyance. Cool.

Photo of the Day

Jenny's got it for you:


"People are dumb--Another perfect example of people being dumb. If you notice the picture on the left, not only is the purse on the floor, everything is spilling out and the floor is dirty. The right hand picture has the purse not only hanging from the table, nothing is spilling out, and the floor is perfectly clean."

Quote of the Day

Marc Ambinder on Obama and a snag with Muslim women circulating the Interwebs:

"Politics has found its Jack-In-The-Box story for the day, courtesy of Ben Smith's article on two Muslim women who were denied the chance to sit behind Obama because they looked too Muslim-y. The story itself is fine and worth the read, and my political take on it is banal: of course there is a sensitivity within the Obama campaign anything that fuels the rumors that Obama isn't a Christian. (I half expected Obama to join the First Christian Evangelical Catholic Christ Church of All Saints when he quit Trinity)."

Slackers! Multitaskers! Mythbusters!

A new study suggests that those of us who use the Internet for personal reasons at work aren't all slackers. I think it gives a lot of workers peace of mind to quickly check a ball score, scan recent headlines, exchange a quick email with the significant other or verify that Britney's latest uh-oh wasn't an oh-no. That said, it's also quite useful for slackers.

Have to read this update from Perez now....kthnxbye!

Yeti! Where Be You?

Alastair Lawson on the search for the Indian Yeti.

"The truth is out there somewhere," says Dipu Marak sincerely.

"But like the Loch Ness monster this creature is obviously not fond of giving too many photo opportunities."

It's only a matter of time before someone takes a great shot of a Yeti only to discover a UFO and JFK's real assassin lurking in the background, noticed only after developing or downloading the image. That last sentence was poorly constructed.

Crosswalk Countdowns

Continuing with our theme of urban spontaneity, a video from Urban Prankster, a group affiliated with Improv Everywhere in New York. This was a mission they did in Santa Monica. Enjoy!


Crosswalk Countdown - GuerilLA from Kelly Herrington on Vimeo.

Train Beats

Last night, my girlfriend and I, along with scores of other New York day trippers, were forced to discharge our Trenton-bound train at Newark due to a catastrophic and mysterious case of Train Won't Work. Aside from setting us back an hour plus, it was raining and we were tired after walking around the city all day. We just wanted to go home.

But amid the groans and idle meandering, a few people were making the best of the situation. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a shoe in the air, thankfully attached to a leg extended upward. It fell and that's when I realized someone was break dancing on the wet platform concrete at Newark Penn Station. By the time I reached the dancer, the requisite circle had formed and another guy was spinning like Michaelangelo from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (you know, during the opening where he screams "COWABUNGAAAAAA!). Just like that.

My ear lurched when I heard a shot to my right. Someone pulled out some drumsticks and was hammering on the trashcan. It was a nice 2-3 minute performance and lifted everyone's spirits a little. What the hell is a train delay when you can dance?

A League of Their Own?

I noticed that a lot of comedians come from fairly prestigious institutions of higher learning. This makes sense, in a way, but I still think it's surprising how many stand-up comedians and writers come out of these places. I suppose it seems like a relatively risky path for a graduate to take, but you have to do what you love, right? My curiosity sparked, I got Google-happy and here are my results:

Franklyn Ajaye - Columbia Law (dropped out)

Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G, Borat) - Cambridge

Lewis Black - Yale Drama

Mike Birbiglia - Georgetown

Graham Chapman - Cambridge

John Cleese - Cambridge

Jim Gaffigan - Georgetown

Greg Giraldo - Columbia, Harvard Law

Steve Hofstetter - Columbia

Eric Idle - Cambridge

Terry Jones - Oxford

Robert Klein - Yale Drama

Bill Maher - Cornell

Demetri Martin - Yale, NYU Law (dropped out)

B.J. Novak (The Office) - Harvard

Conan O'Brien - Harvard

John Oliver (The Daily Show) - Cambridge

Michael Palin - Oxford

Mo Rocca - Harvard

Michael Showalter - Brown

Robin Williams - Julliard

Blogopticon

Vanity Fair has a Blogopticon, measuring blogs on axes of Scurrilous - Earnest and News - Opinion. By some obvious mistake, Caught on the Bound was left off. Letters have been written. Pitchforks have been raised. Torches have been conveniently found on the wall near the entrance and will easily light after centuries of non-use.

Skylines - Kuala Lumpur

Isn't It?

Ironic, that Alanis Morissette's song, "Ironic" doesn't really give any examples of irony?

GraphJam

If you're a fan of Demetri Martin or get bored doing math/science-related homework, you'll like GraphJam. A sample of what it has to offer:

Doomsday Watch 2008

Per yesterday's post, Caught on the Bound has been on the lookout for the nuclear holocaust predicted. Everything's fine here in Pennsylvania. Anyone else see anything?

And I Feel Fine

Ed Brayton covers the end of the world as we know it.

Money quote:

"Here's a simple rule I find useful: if you belong to a religious group that has a "compound," things are not going to end well."

I would add: it's also not going to end well if you try to leave your religion but keep getting caught in the barbed wire. Wait! Did I just get an idea/excuse to post this? Yes. Yes I did:



Anyways, stick around tomorrow for Caught on the Bound's Doomsday Watch 2008!

"The House of Yahweh recently gave ABC reporter Brian Ross access to their west Texas compound. Yahweh leader Yisrayl Hawkins says a nuclear holocaust will come June 12th and only members of his group will be saved."

Also, commenter Lilly de Lure says:

"What, again? You'd've thought people would have learnt by now that if you insist on predicting the end of the world at least be smart enough not to mention anything so tediously falsifiable as an exact date."

Personally, I'm sticking with the Mayan calendar's end date of Dec. 21, 2012.

Heat

Sunbathing? Deadly. Lawn mowing? Deadly. Sitting around? Deadly. Heat is the weirdest killer. Don't try to outrun it. In all seriousness though, it's sad to hear about this. Take precaution! I'm currently soaking my head in water and blogging with goggles.

Alright.

It's been over three years since he passed away, but you never need an excuse to enjoy the comedy of Mitch Hedberg.

Hear Me? I Want Sugar in My Tea

Caffeine is even better with sugar.

It's time I got back to the good life.

Skylines - Napoli

The First Unicorn

Could something like this have been the inspiration behind the mythical creature? This made me think of the Lisa Frank unicorns adorning many a female classmate's notebook in elementary school.

Nailed It on the Head

Yet another nail-in-the-head story. OK, so it doesn't happen that often, but it's still impressive when you hear stories like this.



What if this guy wakes up one day a few weeks from now and discovers that he now has an IQ of 195? Maybe the nail hit a switch in his brain that unlocks the latent human ability to communicate through telepathy! Anyways, glad the guy is OK. Lucky stuff.

Objectivity

So only 77 votes tallied, but this is kind of a problem. The global warming question has fallen into this no-man's-land of partisan bias. I think the problem stems from:

1) The issue of global warming tries to explain long-term effects that extend beyond the scope of our immediate lives. Whether or not global warming is happening, it's unlikely to show a real tangible effect any time soon. In short, the answers gained from research aren't enough to sway people either way.

2) Even if global warming IS occurring, there is still rampant confusion as to whether or not this is a sign of something bad or simply natural climate change that would have happened without human interference.

3) The effects of immediately "going green" (in a forward-looking, long-term, change the world sense) for industry and corporations are written off as negligible for the foreseeable future. Why bother?

4) We don't need another film like this made. (No, I'm not talking about An Inconvenient Truth)

(Hat-tip: Matt Y)

Garfield - June 11, 2008

I haven't laughed at a Garfield since 2002 2008.



For a second, I thought Garfield had finally gone insane. Sweet snickering spiders!

Photo of the Day

Thanks, Jenny!

Obama on Religion and Politics

It's from 2006 and I hope he still thinks this way.

To Boldly Split An Infinitive and Take Things In A New Direction

So it's come to this. Having a blog is something that feels somewhat natural on one level, and wholly strange on another. I like the idea of having a place on the Internets to put my thoughts and interaction with the world, but have struggled to find a consistent lasting tone to sustain it. That's why Caught on the Bound isn't updated as frequently as the blogs I like reading. I think this is because, at its absolute best, blogging is a personal thing. Sure, there are links and rehashing news you could find on CNN, but it always comes branded with a personal reaction on a blog - something to identify with. You can nod along with the idea, shake your head and mumble, "What was he thinking?" or simply laugh at something we universally find funny.

That's why I declare this moment to be a crossroads for Caught on the Bound. I've tried to avoid dipping too deeply into political, religious or otherwise forbidden territory, but have found that this makes this blog a rather empty place. From this point forward, expect to see Caught on the Bound in a new personal light. I want it to be light-hearted and fun, but also in step with the world and developing events.

You'll be seeing more commentary on the things that interest me personally, but hopefully with a sizable layer of mass-appeal. I don't want this to be a log of my daily activities, but I will include something if it's cool - like skydiving or investigating the Telectroscope.

Onward. Caught on the Bound will prevail.

The Chickens Are Restless

Sorry about that random week off I just took. I guess, when you look at the entire course of the blog, one week off isn't much compared to the 5 month stretches I seem to take, but still. You know? I mean, hey. Alright? Yeah. Here's a random picture:

Once You Pop...

Fredric J. Baur died May 4 at the age of 89. Baur was an organic chemist and food storage technician who specialized in research and development and quality control for Cincinnati-based Procter & Gamble Co.

Ordinarily, this news would never register on a national scale and since he passed away on May 4, you could argue that it didn't - until we found out how he would be buried - and why.

Baur was the inventor of the iconic Pringles can and requested that some of his ashes be buried in his creation. Thank you, Mr. Baur, for your invention. I have fond memories from my childhood/adulthood/right now of popping that top and tilting the salty chips into my mouth. I cut a slot in the top of one container and made a little bank for myself. I punched out the opposite end and made a telescope. I put little beads in it and made a rain stick. I lived a little better, Mr. Baur.

In memory: