Skylines - Nairobi

Procrastination

Phoneless Chords

I play guitar. Not very well or professionally or anything. I just like to play when I feel like it. I like figuring out chords and hearing how they interact.....man. Sometimes, I sing along with the guitar playing. This can be quite fun, but one answer sort of eludes me. Am I in tune?

I decided to get my recorder that I use for comedy and impromptu interviews on the train and such and record me singing while playing guitar. The result? Decently in tune. Except for random notes here and there. Like, I'll be in tune with no issues and then out of nowhere, some atonal specter of doom makes me sing sort of in tune with the chord but not with the melody, usually at the end of a lyrical phrase. It works, but it's just completely unexpected and makes the song sound like a mistake. And I hear this and think, "I could go for a Coke."

Explanations - Easter Island

Invincible (Sort of)

I don't really follow the NFL very closely, instead preferring the gamely joust of the college game, but I found this article on Vince Young interesting. He nearly quit after his first year in the NFL, which is known to be a difficult year of transition, seriousness and un-fun. And lots and lots of cash. But anyway:

"If nothing else, it's a reminder that we never, ever really know what's going on with our favorite athletes. Or anyone, really. Being rich, being famous, being idolized, being on the cover of Madden ... none of it guarantees that a guy won't be sitting at home crying his eyes out and listening to, I don't know, Elliott Smith albums or something."

And lots and lots of cash.

Photo of the (Yesterday)

"Nothing says Memorial Day like a bunch of bikers driving through town. Thank you to everyone who has served our country. Thank you for our freedom."

Thanks Jenny!

A Cinematic Odyssey

Friend of Caught on the Bound, John Young, reports on a 2001: A Space Odyssey forum for Entertainment Weekly. I know this is one of his favorite films and, after having the opportunity to see it on the big screen at Notre Dame (complete with THX), I too count it among my favorites. A cool tidbit from John's report:

"The ape costumes used in the "Dawn of Man" sequence were so convincing that many moviegoers assumed Kubrick simply trained real apes. This perhaps explains why the film didn't receive an Oscar nomination for its costumes."

Skylines - Hong Kong

Quote of the Day

"I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on."

- Beryl Pfizer

The Catchphrase

I'm sure a lot of us have at least a passing familiarity with The Legend of Zelda, either as a video game or as the famed should-have-been-nominated-for-an-Emmy 80s cartoon series. In case you missed any part of it though, this is a good recap of the series:



My favorite scene (and I did watch the whole thing) has to be Link just standing there grappling with snakes for no apparent reason. Honorable mention: scenes in which Link is either in his underwear or somehow hanging out in Zelda's bedroom wearing a robe. Mario never got this good.

Dedicated to Patrick Donnelly's graduation from the University of Notre Dame.

The Laugh Lab

Joke research! I've filed this under alternative careers.

Alone with the Cards

Turns out you're not alone when you play solitaire.

"Solitaire has been a popular diversion for bored office workers for decades, even causing New York office worker Ed Greenwood to be fired when city mayor Michael Bloomberg spotted him playing it on the clock."

Anyone else play Snood? That's equally addictive in its own way.

Tous les Garcons et les Filles - Francoise Hardy

Just go with it.

Pandora

If you haven't already, do.

Based on the Music Genome Project.

Wallflowers

"Fiercely independent, Jakob Dylan determined early on to make his own name rather than ride on his famous father's coattails. The young musician named his band the Wallflowers after an intense brainstorming session with other band members - and only later discovered (much to his chagrin) that his father had once written a song (albeit still unpublished) with the very same name.

A rider in Jakob's contracts later stipulated that no references be made to "Bob Dylan's son" in any preshow advertising. Ironically, the rider was actually requested by Bob Dylan."

(from anecdotage.com)

Photo of the Day

"I was driving along minding my own business, and I saw some smoke, and then I saw this. It's not every day you see a car engulfed in flame. I just hope they got everyone out because...holy crap...I mean seriously!"

A bit of a change-up from Jenny's previous photo.

Whoosh.

Not that Labour needs any more scares. Tony Blair's plane comes within minutes of being shot down by Israeli fighter jets. Scary stuff.

Quote of the Day

"The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues."

-Elizabeth Taylor

Coming to A Shore Near You

Strange Maps provides an update on the odyssey of The Friendly Floatees, a bunch of rubber ducks shipwrecked in the middle of the Pacific in 1992, which continue to ride the ocean currents today, popping up on shores in Australia, South America, North America and now Europe.

We might do well to consider The Friendly Floatees as an allegory for life. Or maybe a metaphor. It's like a simile. That is, could we be drifting through life, unaware of the next shore to receive us? To put a relativity spin on this, perhaps we are the drifters and the rubber duckies are a fixed beacon in time and space, trying desperately to guide us home and destroy our illusion of motion and progress when they, not we, are standing perfectly still in the universe.

Like I said, it's a metaphor or something. But like an allegorical simile. The Caught on the Bound staff is currently in the midst of heated debate now. Best to tend to it.

Pork and Beans - Weezer

The video for Weezer's new single, Pork and Beans. You might recognize some Internet/YouTube-ish stars. I like the sound of this single; a lot closer to their earlier stuff, but I hear the rest of the album is pretty experimental and out there. Fine by me.

Garfield Hip, With It

There's just no way this joke would have worked in the 80s. Also, did Liz steal Charlie Brown's shirt and dye it? Somewhere, in the Peanuts universe, a shirtless Charlie Brown is curled in the fetal position hiding his shame.

A Transatlantic Telescope

UPDATE: My first-hand report here!

Various news outlets are reporting the completion of a "Telectroscope" that allows Londoners and New Yorkers to see each other in real time. Really? Well, sort of. It's a cool art exhibit:

"The whole thing is about seeing what is real and what isn't real and how the world is," said Nicki Webb, a co-founder of Artichoke. "Is it nighttime when we are in daytime and does it look familiar to us or not?"

When the sun illuminated the lens of the Telectroscope next to the Thames this morning, it was, of course, still nighttime in New York. So the screen inside the scope broadcast back only an empty sidewalk silently framed by the Brooklyn Bridge and Manhattan skyline.

But then something miraculous occurred.

A police officer and a street cleaner walked into the frame. Stopped. And waved."

The New York Times has more here.

Photo of the Day

In an attempt to bring more cool visuals into this space, I've commissioned Jenny to provide some random photos and captions. Enjoy!

"This is one of my favorite pictures of a soldier crab from Cayman Brac. He just has that "If you were smaller, I could totally take you" look. He's a crab that's going to take on the world. Currently, he lives with a wife, three children, and a pet snail lovingly named 'slow-poke'. Volunteering at the local crab shelter 'Have a Claw, Help a Crab', he has made a name for himself in the community asking for donated shells to give crabs a home and a second chance."

Notes on the Beatles

If you're a Beatles fan like me, you've probably wondered how they managed to churn out album after album of good music while incorporating new elements, styles, forms, influences and haircuts for nearly a decade. Sure, there was plenty of talent but couldn't there just be some secret formula that Lennon and McCartney plucked from the musical ether? Some elegant underlying secret to Pop Music?

I doubt it. But I do find Alan W. Pollack's "Notes on the Beatles" series to be a good shot at finding out. Pollack studied music for a number of years before embarking on a more lucrative career in computers, I believe, and in 1989 he attempted to analyze a few of the Beatles' songs and give listeners a sense of what made them so great. What began as an interesting little project eventually turned into an interesting big project as Pollack managed to breakdown and analyze every single song in the band's catalog.

As a musicologist, a lot of the notes are somewhat dense if you don't have a background in music theory; but his comments are thoughtful, accessible and warmly engaging as he outlines the distinctive features of each tune. So enjoy!

By the way, is there anyone that doesn't like the Beatles? I've met only one person who came right out and said that he didn't like the Beatles - and he knows who he is. We'll find you.

I mean, there's something for everyone with the Beatles right? I admit to not being so keen on McCartney's hokey songs like Maxwell's Silver Hammer or Honey Pie, but this is a group that gave us early metal (Revolution), hard rock (Paperback Writer), children's songs (Yellow Submarine), acid pop (Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds), pop standards (In My Life, Something, Here, There and Everywhere, Yesterday) and pushing-the-envelope art songs (Strawberry Fields Forever).

In conclusion, who is your favorite Beatle?

Indiana Jones Exit Poll

John apparently saw the new Indiana Jones film. What did he think?

"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" is a truly mediocre action-adventure movie. Absolutely, unequivocally mediocre.

It's silly, silly, silly, silly, silly, and it's dumb, clunky, and condescending."

I really, really, really, really, really hope I don't feel the same way after seeing it. Ouch. Although, I must say, the "condescending" part has me intrigued. Will Indy break the fourth wall, stare out at the audience and say something like, "Of course they wouldn't know anything about that now, would they?" Here's hoping I don't break down in the theater after the third "silly."

Evolution of Intelligent Design

Apparently, 25% of high school biology teachers still devote classroom time to creationism or intelligent design. I have no problem with this. But to be fair, we should also devote classroom time to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the Invisible Pink Unicorn, Thor, Zeus and their relevant theories of creation.

Then again, I was somewhat swayed by Kirk Cameron's "crocaduck" argument. For a second, I almost forgot Dr. Grant's velociraptor theories (which, incidentally, they now believe had feathers).

Where's My Camera?

A Utah photographer gets hit by a javelin at a high school track meet and somehow manages to take a picture of his accident. Not for the queasy, but the curious.

Vintage Ads for Modern Products

A fun Photoshop contest. Browsing through the ads feels like some kind of parallel universe - distant yet familiar. In the year 2540, we'll have anthropologists and archaeologists digging through the ruins of the once Great Internet and uncovering what appear to be startling anachronisms: "iPods in the mid-20th century? Impossible!" Of course, by then, the language will have evolved from the archaic turn-of-the-millennium speech and sound more like "Ipes in way backsies? Nuh-uh!" And they will laugh at all of us wearing jeans the way we laugh at Washington wearing tights.

Obama in Portland

Photo not available: the other six people who live in Portland

Soon...

In Defense of the 'Liberal Professor'

"The absence of larger numbers of conservative faculty members is, to a great extent, explained by the very correlation between education and ideology. Other explanations might relate to the different choices that liberals and conservatives, especially those with advanced degrees, make about education, careers and income.

Simply put, more conservatives with a bent for higher education are going to have to opt for smaller salaries if their presence in the academy is to grow."

An interesting read, especially if you worry about pinko-leftist commies teaching kids about democratic socialism. That said, I'm going to go hug a tree while hating money.

Stuff White People Like: Stuff White People Like

Stuff White People Like, the straightforward blog with a book deal now, seems to have hit upon a quiet and, until now, unexpressed awareness of the silly excesses of hipsterdom. I see it as a more accessible version of Robert Lanham's The Hipster Handbook.

As I've seen some already point out, the ironic twist may be that the biggest fans of Stuff White People Like are, in full accordance with the site's premise, white people.

Naked Theology

Harry Collins on New Atheism's arguments:

"Once scientists move outside their scientific experience, they become like a layperson. I'm not a religious person, but if I want to talk religion with someone, it won't be a scientist; it will be with someone who understands theology (who might be either an atheist or a believer). I believe people like Dawkins give atheism a bad name because their arguments are so crude and unsubtle. They step outside their narrow competences when they produce these arguments."

This is something that Dawkins and other scientists have addressed. What is the point of discussing the finer nuances of theology or how many angels can dance on the head of a pin when you are challenging the underlying premise of God's existence? Everything else is built on this assumption. There's little value in comparing the merits of fine silk versus linen cashmere as royal costume when it's clear that the Emperor is not wearing any clothes.

(Via Sullivan)

The Scream Dream Team

Now suppose you find yourself in the all-to-common situation of having to assemble an all-star team of screamers (and we're talking blood-curdling, ear-piercing skull reverberations here). Who do you choose?

My starting five for the Scream Dream Team:

1) Jamie Lee Curtis
Easy. Her performance in the 1978 horror film Halloween earned her the nickname, "The Scream Queen." What's a Scream Dream Team without the Scream Queen being seen .... een. Sorry, wasn't sure how to end that sentence.


2) Macaulay Culkin
When the first image that comes to mind of this kid (creepy guy now) is screaming with hands firmly on cheeks, you know you have a solid vocal chord virtuoso that can belt one out with the best of them. Macaulay Culkin, as Kevin McCallister in the 1990 film Home Alone, defined the scream for a younger generation, adding an essential visual component of wide-eyed gaping shock and horror. And this was only aftershave he applied to his face! Imagine his scream if he saw Dracula or Freddy Krueger or Michael Jackson? Actually, he did see Michael Jackson. The horror.

3) Maria Sharapova
Her loudest grunt on the tennis court measured an ear-drum perforating 101.2 decibels. For those of you requiring some context, 100 decibels is how loud the average car stereo is at maximum volume. Welcome to the team, Maria. Welcome to the team.

4) Fay Wray
The actress who played Ann Darrow in the original King Kong inspired a contest to see who most closely matches her famous scream. Can there ever be a real winner?

5) The Scream
The painting by Edvard Munch. Variety, spice, terror. The opposing scream team would never expect a visual knockout blow like this! Not bad for oil, tempera and pastel on cardboard (seriously, it was on cardboard).

Harry Potter and the Hallows

The road to hell is paved with adverbs.
- Stephen King

This quote appeared in my iGoogle Quotes of the Day box and reminded me of what King had to say about J.K. Rowling last summer during The Anticipation:
(from "Deathly adverbs" by Jan Freeman of The Boston Globe")

Even Harry Potter's most loyal fans would concede that his creator, J.K. Rowling, has a weakness for adverbs. Four years ago, in an otherwise admiring review of "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," Stephen King observed that Rowling "never met [an adverb] she didn't like." Harry, he noted, "speaks quietly, automatically, nervously, slowly, and often -- given his current case of raving adolescence -- ANGRILY."

King found this flaw "endearing rather than annoying," but not all readers are so indulgent. In December, when the title of the final volume was announced but "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" was not yet finished, a writer at the online review Blogcritics told Rowling it wasn't too late to improve her style.

"Ms. Rowling, I have a challenge for you while you're still in the editing stage of book seven," proposed M.J. Ryan. "Take a highlighter and mark those adverbs up. Get rid of them. Release yourself, and your readers, from 'Adverb Hell.'" And start at the top, said Ryan: "'Deathly' is an adverb. In the title. How lazy can you get?"

That said, there better be an 8th book. LEGACY AND SERIES CONCLUSION BE DAMNED.

Charlton Heston passes away

I think it's odd for someone like me to be writing about Charlton Heston's death in any serious way. Politically, I tend to hang out on the left side of the fence and generally think we should go gunless in the United States (let's give cops big sticks and just beat people). However, after taking several film classes in college, two films stand out in my memory -- Orson Welles's Touch of Evil and the epic Ben-Hur, both of which I had the pleasure of seeing on the big screen.

Heston played Ramon Miguel Vargas in Touch of Evil. That's right, he played a Mexican. "My name is Var-gahs!" I remember hearing. Very strange and way off-base by today's standards. But seeing Ben-Hur was one of the most exhilarating film experiences I've ever had, and I suppose I should thank Charlton (did anyone ever call him that?) for that performance. Rest in peace you crazy epic gun-touting man. Rest in peace.

E.M. Forster - "What I Believe"

"I believe in aristocracy, though - if that is the right word, and
if a democrat may use it. Not an aristocracy of power, based upon
rank and influence, but an aristocracy of the sensitive, the con-
siderate and the plucky. Its members are to be found in all
nations and classes, and all through the ages, and there is a secret
understanding between them when they meet. They represent
the true human tradition, the one permanent victory of our queer
race over cruelty and chaos. Thousands of them perish in
obscurity, a few are great names. They are sensitive for others
as well as for themselves, they are considerate without being
fussy, their pluck is not swankiness but the power to endure, and
they can take a joke."

Emphasis Mine

CHARLOTTE AMALIE, U.S. Virgin Islands (CNN) — For three days, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama is enjoying some private down time on the island of St. Thomas, a source close to the U.S. territory's Government House in the capital of Charlotte Amalie confirmed Monday.
Watch CNN's Exclusive footage of Sen. Obama on vacation.

Signs of Life

I tried to post on this blog earlier in the week, but it didn't recognize me. And so as the fruit bat of time flies haphazardly through the darkness of life, we find that the the ripe apple of opportunity will always be on the tree of persistence.

Eddie Izzard: Lust for Glorious

The Flies in Winter

A house fly swooped by me just a moment ago. It brought to mind a question that has lingered with me since I was a little kid. Where do flies go in winter? After a graceful stumble through high school biology, I figured they somehow hibernate or cryogenically seal themselves off from the wintry world, waiting for some glorious spring buzzing. But this guy was already dizzily buzzing about a few months too early.

Wikipedia offered an answer (as it always does -- the question is always in the veracity): the fly was pupating indoors, which accelerated its growth and caused it to hatch early in a warm environment.

I might have to use another tidbit I learned from Wikipedia about flies. If you clap your hands a few inches above a fly, it will trigger its flee reaction and likely send it right into your closing hands.

Words Are Flowing Out

And not landing anywhere near this blog, eh? I've decided that I will keep making little posts like this as a way of bringing myself back into full bloggable splendor.

Right!

Terribly sorry about the delay. Caught on the Bound will, in fact, return for a much-heralded 4th season. As you may have guessed (or hoped), funding for the site's production budget was cut in half, so things have been kind of shoe-stringy lately. So, what to do with the $6 in the budget? Chipotle burrito.

In other news, I'm going to throw everything I have in my brain back at this site.

Not as bad as it sounds.

Where did we go? What will we be?

On holiday. Famous, stars of the screen.

Sorry about the lack of posting. The Interwebs was not working at Caught on the Bound World Headquarters for the last few months.

Alright, you caught me in a lie.

You'll have to excuse the brevity of this post - it may become the norm. Brevity is better than nothingevity, though.

LEGO Relativity

M.C. Escher's "Relativity" - the LEGO version!

Go here to see how they did it.

This is the sort of thing I always thought would be cool to make with LEGOs as a little kid, before I realized that my undersea base set didn't include the right pieces (what am I really going to do with this plastic seahorse holding a harpoon?) You know, like the magnetic locking things, LEDs, bricks with studs pointing in multiple directions (clearly used in this model), etc. Now, if you look at LEGOs in the store, you see a Harry Potter set that snaps together with only three pieces. Like Playmobil. LEGO never made enough "creative" sets in which they just give you a lot of cool, useful bricks in colors other than royal blue and fire engine red, and let you provide the imagination.

Well done, here!

Dead? More like...undead!

Caught on the Bound is not dead. No. Don't even think that. It's too painful. It's right here. Stay tuned...in the process of some upgrades and additions (hired goons, new media, extrapolation, hot dogs, etc.) None of this really makes sense right now. But when the time comes, you will know.

I'm Not There

As John said on Obviously Losing,

"I was apprehensive about Todd Haynes' Bob Dylan movie, "I'm Not There," but this trailer has given me renewed hope."



Cate Blanchett, too. I am intrigued to the point of stroking my non-existent beard.

The Cumbrian Spaceman

Regular readers and acquaintances might know of my interest in UFOs and other strange phenomena, but I usually keep that stuff to a minimum here. Why? Because so much of it is complete rubbish. Although I am fascinated by UFOs and definitely believe there must be something more to a lot of the stranger cases, I consider myself a firm skeptic and complete avoider of paranormal/New Age stuff that has no basis in evidence, theory, or proof - you know, science. That's why this intrigues me so much.

The Cumbrian Spaceman is a good, mysterious case that might have a simple explanation. The only problem is that no one has yet found one.

In 1964, an English firefighter took this photo of his 5 year-old daughter after she gathered wildflowers on a picnic. The man claims that there was no one anywhere near the girl or behind her when the photo was taken and that there was an "electric" feeling in the air, similar to the conditions of an approaching thunderstorm. Oddly, livestock that would normally be grazing all over the field were huddled together in one corner.

Other than these peculiarities, nothing strange was seen at the time the photograph was taken. Upon development, however, it looked as though a figure was standing behind the girl. No one noticed anything at the time. Is the figure wearing a spacesuit? Is it a blemish? Light effect?
Kodak labs had the photograph and negative analyzed, and couldn't find any explanation. In fact, they used the photo in an ad campaign offering a lot of cash to anyone who could explain it. No one has. Any ideas?

(Click the photo to enlarge)

More info here

535 Foot Slip 'n Slide

Exactly what the title of this post says. YES.

Check it out.

Receding Headlines: Sssssnake Edition!

Ex-astronaut testifies in love triangle case

Interesting how "ex-" and "love triangle" often appear in the same sentence, astronaut or not.

Georgia says it fired at Russian plane this week

US Government asks that Peach State notify them ahead of time before launching future assertions of states' rights - oh! THAT Georgia!

Colombian warlord violates deal, faces extradition

You'd think warlords might have ways of getting around the establishment.

Kids' food fussiness may be inherited (AP)

"And to my little nephew Timmy, I leave my distaste for weird green specks in soup and my hatred for leafy vegetables"

Man accused of biting girlfriend's snake (AP)

There you have it. Is it funnier that it happened in N. Ireland?

US general: Pullout a 'step backward'

That's....that's what a pullout is.

China declares 'war' on tainted products

Kind of like how we declared 'war' on 'Terror,' but easier to regulate. Wars on words are a cool trend, soon we'll have "War on Unrequited Love" or "War on Peace" or "War on Rye, Hold the Mayo"

Resume Gods Beware

It's kind of nice to have the whole college and college admissions process behind me. Why? Aside from the obvious relaxitude and chill factorial, I don't have to go along with the latest trend in admissions: authentic imperfection. Yes, the hip thing now is for people to not puff up their resumes, but to show themselves as flawed, reflective, Bob Dylanesque, keep-on-keepin-on slices-of-life rather than invincible Resume Gods.

The idea is cool, but now admissions-types are saying students are starting to "fake" authentic imperfection. I attempted to draw a diagram of those last three words and how they relate to each via cross-modulation and some sort of logical circle-of-fifths, but my brain did one of those rare "that's enough" gestures that made me stop.

So I guess the college admissions game continues to be one of honest deception (?). Back in my day, a kid just had to have heart and smart! Not this new-fangled "average" poseuring.

I better get out of here before this post becomes even more incomprehensible.

Hello, Kiddywinks!

On the whole, I would describe my sense of humor as something akin to eating a burrito only to discover afterwards that you never removed the wrapper. Digestive incredulity aside, I've discovered that, for some reason, I never tire of seeing the late British comedian Rod Hull and his sidekick puppet, Emu.

Telebefuddling

Conversation with a telemarketer I recently had:

"Hi, may I please speak to Mr. Kevin Curran?"
"Speaking."
"I'm calling to offer you the chance to upgrade your current student loan plan to Platinum, we..."
"I'm sorry, did you say Platinum?"
"Yes, if you would like to upgrade..."
"Great! Is it actually made of platinum?"
"Um, well, we'll just need you to confirm your..."
"Sorry, the plan, it's made of platinum?"
"Umm...let me check here..."
"Sure, no problem. So...how did you get my information?"
"OK, it's just called 'Platinum,' would you still like to--oh, it's on the computer screen here."
"Cool. Well, I guess we're all set then. Thanks a lot!"
"Thank you very much....oh! If I could just have you confirm your..."
"Bye!"

Connective Tissue Post

Caught on the Bound is back after a bit of a break. Sometimes it gets hard to keep up the back-breaking pace of 1-2 posts a day (with about 3 real posts a week). Part of this is because fact-checkers tell us to pitch about 70% of the posts we come up with due to what they call, "Lies! Vicious lies!"

Also, as Editor-in-Chief of this enterprise, I would like to state that Caught on the Bound will not suffer the usual August "we're done posting until January" syndrome that has afflicted the site in recent years.

New media! Look out for it. Seriously.

Item 4: As we forge ahead into the bleary, unknowing September of our discontent, a quick head-count of the staff here has informed me that we're going to need fresh interns for this fall semester here at Caught on the Bound. Interested? Send an email to caughtontheboundyahoo(dot)com with a brief statement of intent and a fictionalized resume. Experience in curse-breaking, journalism, newshounding, fear-mongering, and seduction preferred but not required. We also need people up on the Internet thing. Course credit available.

Post this to 15 videos or you will die

You're not the only one who thinks YouTube comments are, on the whole, dumb.

Here are some gems I found today:

(on The Kinks' Waterloo Sunset): "When you're looking at the sunset from whatever bridge, you're not actually looking at Waterloo..... now are you? So it cant really be a 'Waterloo sunset'. Thats my point."

(on The Proclaimers' I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) video with scenes from Benny & Joon): "THERE'S A MOVIE OF THIS SONG?"

I think someone should start a collection of wild YouTube comments.

Waiting in Headline

Technology is key on global warming: Bush adviser

Giant robots will simply plug the ozone hole with their little fingers! Or maybe we could rethink that whole Kyoto Protocol thing.

India's Gandhi backs nuclear deal

He's back baby! And this time, peace takes a back seat! Oh wait, it's Sonia Gandhi.

Experts pick '07 conference winners, title game matchup

I thought we were still allowing teams to play the games?

Mummy Was Painted With Spanish Lead

This proves that the Earth is only 5000 years old and that the Egyptians were actually aliens. Also, the Spanish were dangerous painters.

Stephen Colbert's Water Fight With Richard Branson to Air

We need more headlines like this.

Would-Be Robber Wraps Head in Duct Tape as Disguise

It's brilliant! Except for the not breathing part.

Passport rules snare child support scofflaws

Excellent headline - "snare" nicely alliterates with "scofflaws"

Mattel recalls 9M toys because of magnets, lead paint

Again with the lead paint! You'd think after thousands of years we'd figure out that lead = NO!!!! (I'm looking at you, Spanish-Egyptian mummy)

Perseid Meteor Shower

Heads up! Perseid Meteor Shower will be peaking tonight!

I maintain a soft-spot for meteor showers, eclipses, comets, vernal equinoxes, Raptures, etc. because my parents would always let me stay up later on school nights to see these things. So check it out!

By the way, if, like me, you're wondering why meteors are pelting us right now or who the hell Perseid is, the guy you want to bring in for questioning is none other than that notorious space bandit Comet Swift-Tuttle, who, by the way, has to have the best comet name this side of Hale-Bopp! (pictured)

(Hat tip: Brendan)

These Days

The Alec Baldwin-narrated, Jackson Browne-penned, Nico-sung, Paltrow/Wilson-acted, Wes Anderson-directed scene from The Royal Tenenbaums:

All About the Benjamins

Big Ben's getting his clock cleaned. No, not the Pennsylvanian jack-of-all-trades Mr. Franklin; they're talking about the emblematic edifice in London. Reuters headed off a common mistake:

"The 96 meter (315 ft) clock tower of Britain's parliament is popularly known as Big Ben, although the name actually refers to the 13.5 tonne Great Bell inside."

But some of the Caught on the Bound staff here were noticeably disturbed by this statement. Chris Flanagan, one of our sharper interns (that's right, Jessica and Stevey, you undergraduate twits!) noticed that the name "Big Ben" refers to the bell, but the bell is called the "Great Bell." "Doesn't it seem a little redundant to give a bell two proper names?" Chris asks. After some deep thought and consultation of one of the many Calvin and Hobbes treasuries here at the office, I can conclude with a definitive "No, Chris, you daft git."

This is also a good moment for me to tell you my idea for a catchphrase, should the networks ever make a Benjamin Franklin-themed sitcom: "Hey, Mr. Franklin! Been jammin?"

That's enough coffee for one afternoon, methinks.

Toe the Headline

Loads weighing heavily on roads (AP)

"Gravity Remains!" scream the headlines

Canada to strengthen Arctic claim

"Everybody shut up and listen to what the Arctic has to say!"

Weird treadmill may help brain-injured

CNN knows the difference between normal treadmills and "weird" ones

Lance Armstrong's old team folds

More importantly, Americans have no idea who won the Tour de France this year

Oregon vs. Boise St. - Where?

If you're an Oregon or Boise St. football fan, you might want to start digging that hole through the center of the Earth. Oregon is proposing a deal with Boise St. to play a game in Eugene and another one the following year in Boise, er, sorry, I meant to say CHINA. This really makes a lot of sense when you think about it. Let's hear Oregon's explanation:

He said Oregon is considering Beijing and Shanghai as possible sites.

"This is all preliminary," said Hawkins (some guy from Oregon putting this together). "There is no date. There is no opponent. There is no permission (from China). This is all very tentative at this point, but exciting."

If there's anything that gets me excited in college football, it has to be having NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING. College football teams have played abroad before, with mixed results (Notre Dame and Navy in Ireland, some other teams in Japan, etc.) I suppose the idea is to draw international fans/give an excuse for Americans to see a new part of the world, but this China business smacks of the business strategy I like to call "throw a dart at the Rand McNally map on the office wall and see what shakes out."

Hawkins said he brought up the trip to China with Oregon coach Mike Bellotti.

"He looked at me and wasn't sure what to make of it," Hawkins told The Associated Press on Thursday.

Hawkins appears to be that guy at the party who is always like, "Dude, this is going to be awesome!!" while all obvious signs and evidence point to it not being so.

Discussion Question - A Lucky Lunch Guess?

OK, time for a change of pace - an open discussion for the comments. This problem came to me in that fuzzy just-waking-up-after-a-nap period. If anyone knows a formal name for it or sees a parallel to a similar question, please let me know. OK,

We'll say you have two friends that you always eat lunch with, Sheila and Dave, and the three of you are joined by one (and only one) of two other friends everyday, George or Ringo. Everyday, you, Sheila, and Dave sit down. Sheila and Dave always try to guess which of the the other two will be joining you guys for lunch. Dave always makes a guess based on compelling evidence (for example, Dave didn't see George in class today and predicts Ringo will turn up for lunch), while Sheila always takes a random guess, based on whoever she feels like naming that day (she has no more knowledge that you). For the past 14 days, Sheila has correctly predicted the fellow luncher, without fail, even though Dave, in every instance, had some good reason to suppose his prediction would come true. Dave has been wrong every single time (we'll assume that Sheila and Dave both whispered their predictions in your ear, not knowing who the other picked).

So, the next time you have lunch, a fanatical Demon comes up to you, Sheila, and Dave. He wants you to guess (choosing either Sheila or Dave) who will be correct in predicting the lunchmate joining your group. If you choose a person who guesses incorrectly, you have to drink deadly poison.

The question: Who would you choose? Why? Does any real evidence point towards Sheila being the good pick? Is there a good reason NOT to pick Dave in this instance, other than a horrendous track record? Is there a clear logical answer to this? Does Sheila's "luck" outweigh Dave's perfectly reasonable predictions? Leave your thoughts in the comments below! And let me know if there's some obvious loophole in this that I'm missing in how the question was set up.

The Poet Warrior and Other Tales of the Post-Collegiate Aftermath

You may remember my earlier summary of life in the post-collegiate aftermath. As the summer chugs on, the answers you have to start giving people become increasingly more ludicrous. I'm trying to think of more creative ways of answering the question: "So, what are your plans now?":

1. "Oh, I'm training to become a poet warrior. We start two-a-days next week. I can't wait for things to really get rolling." (This would be followed by a brief explanation of how I'm learning to write treatises blindfolded and committing things like iambic pentameter and rhyming schemes to memory before the enemy, Falsity, gets to them and destroys our quest for Truth)

Effectiveness: Might intrigue some people, most will nod politely and never ask anyone the question again.

2. "My plans? I just want to make a lot of money and be perceived as successful while my soul slowly decays beneath my tanned, playboy exterior."

Effectiveness: A surprising number of people might nod with approval. The rest will be horrified at the bluntness and plausibility!

3. "I'll be doing some open-mics in the city for a while."

Effectiveness: Most will outwardly project a "go-get-em!" attitude, but will shake their heads as soon as I leave and say something like, "Good thing I'm smarter than him!" But I might hear that and shout, "Hey! I heard that!" and they'll be like "Yeah."

4. "I'm going to bum around Europe. Forever."

Effectiveness: Believable. Not very interesting.

5. "I'm not at liberty to comment on an ongoing job search."

Effectiveness: They'll think I'm working for the United States government.

6. "Jobs? Where we're going, we won't need 'jobs!'"

Effectiveness: Intrepid, forward-looking, a good blend of ambiguity and purpose. Not bad for lifting it off the previous post's title reference to Back to the Future: Part II

Roads? Where we're going, we won't need "roads"

The images and entertainment, even the science, of my childhood promised me two things: becoming a professional athlete is a distinct possibility for anyone; and cars will fly sometime after 2000 (thanks for nothing year 2001).

Maybe we're getting a step closer. Scientists have learned how to levitate...things by reversing the process that allows a gecko to stick to walls, the ceiling, or anything else. I'm still hoping scientists will complete my technological wish trifecta: levitation/flying, invisibility, and teleportation. Let's do it.

Unbreakable

Fledgling Site Strikes 10,000 Hits

(From Caught on the Bound Newswire)

MUMBAI - The mood was jubilant for Caught on the Bound Junior Copy Editor, Ashley Polselli, currently on assignment in India for no apparent reason. "When I received the email sent from headquarters in California, two thoughts went through my head: 'I'm so glad we hit 10,000' and 'Why the hell did the Editor-in-Chief send me to Mumbai?'" That timely relevant question aside, Ashley's enthusiasm is shared by Caught on the Bound employees worldwide today as the fledgling site passes a milestone of sorts.

"What we have here is a dream deciding that it was sick and tired of being some second-rate wish. It's a wish that became a dream and it's now looking for a home in Reality Hills" said website founder and editor Kevin Curran, as fellow staff cast him cautious glares. "When this website started, it was nothing more than a blog with random bits lacking a unified theme or coherency. Today, that is still true."

Wearing party hats and with forced expressions of joy, the Caught on the Bound staff joined with Curran in counting-up to the 10,000th hit. "You know, I really wouldn't have minded the festivities and count-up and all, but starting from 9000 was kind of a drag. I didn't even get a chance to work on that English language series he keeps shoving at us" said Chris Flanagan, an underpaid, but over-appreciated intern. "I would describe the atmosphere around the office as...'oxygenated'" he said, with a slight hesitation as Curran stared at him over a steaming pot of black coffee.

"This is a triumphant day for webkind. But the celebration must be short. We have work to do and an employee in Mumbai who needs some savvy hostage negotiation" said Curran, calmly smoothing his three-piece suit.

The United Countries of Baseball

In case you didn't know which team you were supposed to be supporting. Click for larger version.

Department of Redundancy Department

This article from Reuters via Yahoo! News seemed to think one bit of info stood out:

First sentence of the article:

Adults should engage in moderately intense exercise for at least 30 minutes five days a week or vigorous exercise at least 20 minutes three days each week, experts recommended on Wednesday.

Then, in the middle of the article:

The new guidelines call for healthy adults to engage in moderate-intensity aerobic physical activity for at least 30 minutes five days each week, or vigorous-intensity aerobic exercise for at least 20 minutes three days a week.

Then, at the end of the article:

"These guidelines, engaging in moderate-intensity aerobic physical activity for at least 30 minutes five days each week, or vigorous-intensity aerobic exercise for at least 20 minutes three days a week, should help this big public health problem that we face"

Is this a brilliant way of pummeling this into our heads or just a lack of attention? This article from Reuters via Yahoo! News seemed to think one bit of info stood out.

UPDATE: The quote at the end of the article is gone! Someone must have realized how stupid this was starting to sound.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster

From Caught on the Bound's Department of Keep-Them-Guessing-What-We'll-Post-Next, we now present a brief overview of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Its adherents, often called Pastafarians, profess their belief in this Spaghedeity. The religion's primary prophet, Bobby Henderson, an Oregon State University physics graduate, revealed this Gospel in an open letter to the Kansas State Board of Education in reaction to their decision to allow Intelligent Design to be taught in school science classes.

Flying Spaghetti Monster is a sort of new take on Bertrand Russell's famous Teapot. The religion points out the arbitrariness of teaching only one "scientific theory" of Intelligent Design in schools, while others, such as the, uh, Christian version, are accepted.

Some interesting facts from the Wikipedia page:

-Official prayers are concluded with "RAmen."

-The Prophet Henderson put forth the argument that "global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of pirates since the 1800s" (an illustration of how correlation does not necessarily mean causation). Accompanying chart here.

For those in spiritual starvation, know that there is always a noodly appendage for you to chew on.

Paradigm Shift

Duck?
Rabbit?

Receding Headlines

OJ Simpson blames ghost author over murder book

Sure! Blame it on the ghosts! Why don't we ask the skeletons in OJ's closet a few questions? Headline tomorrow: "OJ Simpson blames ghost murderer over murders"

Iraq role to last years, cost more: officials

Well, hold on, now...let's see how this surge does first before we make any decisions or even think about thinking. Talking about anything emboldens the enemy!

Dow Jones OKs $5 bln sale to News Corp: source
News Corp board OKs deal to buy Dow Jones: source

Take your pick of these headlines. Was it News Corp that OKed or was it Dow Jones? We report, you decide. Also, it's reassuring to know that there are sources behind headlines. Because sometimes I get the distinct impression that maybe there aren't.

Keith Richards rolling in book dough

It's like Play-Doh. Somehow I can totally see Keith Richards rolling in any kind of dough - book, Play, cookie, you name it.

Edwards’s Campaign Tries to Harness Internet

This is a funny mental image. Out of Al Gore's COLD DEAD HANDS.

Labor likes all the ’08 Democrats

Alternative headline: "Labor for anything against '08 Republicans"

Frisbee in the Rain

English: A Caught on the Bound Original Series - Episode I: Spelling Test

As promised, the first installment of a Caught on the Bound's week-long series on the English language - its oddities, powers, foibles, and greatest hits! We begin with a spelling test. Don't worry, you won't have to spell anything. Here's the test: by looking, see if you can tell which of the following words are misspelled:

supercede

conceed

procede

idiosyncracy

concensus

accomodate

impressario

irresistable

rhythym

opthalmologist

diptheria

anamoly

afficianado

caesarian

grafitti

How many do you think are misspelled? Some are obviously wrong. Others look right. But they're all wrong. As a student of Japanese, I lamented the fact that each kanji character could have a number of pronunciations or meanings with no consistent reading. As it turns out, English is just as often a matter of recognizing words as a cluster of letters that phonetically make little sense. Wired how you can udreanstd tihs sneetncee ins't it? Atefr a pniot, we sotp sunodnig wrods out and sratt momeizrnig tehm. Spelling correctly in English often requires us to simply "know" rather than logically sound a word out. Now, the correct spellings for the words listed above: supersede, concede, proceed, idiosyncrasy, consensus, accommodate, impresario, irresistible, rhythm, ophthalmologist, diphtheria, anomaly, aficionado, cesarean, and graffiti

It all seems so stupid, doesn't it? But would you really feel comfortable spelling everything phonetically? Wud yoo rilly feel komfterbul spelleeng evrytheeng foenetiklee? As you can see, it's flat-out impossible without a standard phonetic alphabet (which dictionaries employ). Some of you will even quibble with the way I phonetically sounded out some of those words in the above sentence. Now that we've been thurolee pissed off by English, we'll look next at its more endearing qualities...

Way to Use Your Headlines

Rice, Gates offer arms, seek help on Mideast trip

I imagine taking a trip into a crossfire is difficult without upper appendages. That said, what a sacrifice!

US announces major Middle East arms package

Said to contain limbs from Rice, Gates. Packed in dry ice?

'Crappy' Souvenirs Made from Panda Poo

I don't get it.

Senate to Weigh Joint Chiefs Nomination

The scales of justice are put to use!

The Radio

Now that I've finally matured, I can say with confidence that much of who I am goes back to a character in the 1987 animated film, The Brave Little Toaster. Yes, I have matured so much. The film, based on the book by Thomas Disch, tells the story of five household appliances who go searching for their Master.

The Radio, voiced by Jon Lovitz, is an old-fashioned bit of electronics and the only character without eyes or a face - he's simply a voice behind a grill who seems to think that one of the Roosevelts is still president.

It's hard to look back at your life and pinpoint pivotal stages of development, but I'm quite certain that any sense of humor I have now is firmly rooted in this character. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the radio:

"I think Houdini did this once, and if I remember right, he was out of the hospital in no time."

The Radio: Things could be worse you know.
Lampy: How?
The Radio: How what?
Lampy: How could they be worse?
The Radio: They couldn't; I lied.

The Radio: If you sabre wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through in an instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley!
[the Radio continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them]
The Radio: A blow for Richard! A blow for Marion! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl and all the boys at the delicatessen! And here's one for the guys on 5th street!

"I've always loved travel anyway: the open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the flies clogging up my grill."

The Radio: [thinking Kirby is a whale] Damn thee accursed whale! By the depths of Hell I stabbeth thee!
Kirby: Climb on, you idiot!
The Radio: Oh, it's you.

Blanky: You can't fool us. We love you.
The Radio: That's right, like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband.

"Why listen to this. I'm picking up something. I think its a news flash: President Roosevelt has declared today a national holiday in honor of those five amazing appliances we've all been hearing about. So lock up the office, take down the top and open that rumble seat. Last one to Coney Island is a party pooper. From the starlight roof high atop the Ritz, we wish our intrepid little friends the best of luck and a fond farewell."

"Get ready, you devil dogs, because the master bebop blaster of all time is about to give you a soul injection."

Lampy: Are you sure this is the right way?
The Radio: I'm as sure as I am honest.
Lampy: In that case, we're definitely lost.

Next Week on Caught on the Bound

-The story behind the enigmatic site counter

-Kevin revisits his Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows predictions to gloat/hang his head in shame (Does it need to be said? Spoiler alert! Finish the book!)

-A behind-the-scenes look at Caught on the Bound. This 30-second tour, complete with telling photographs and obfuscating text, will show you the inner machinations of the blog Time magazine once called "stop sending us letters about your stupid blog!" They're such jokesters, that Time magazine.

-The debut of a week-long series on the more hellish recesses of the English language. Why is we spoke dem ways we don't not? Why is speling so arbitrary? Why are the endings of through, though, thought, tough, plough, thorough, hiccough, and lough all pronounced differently? (That last one is pronounced loch...with that gutteral ccckkkk sound at the end.) Now I need to wipe my screen down after that gutteral sound.

-Announcements for several CotB Contests in the works. Perhaps the best way to understand this concept is through a simple analogy. I have no way of proving that, though.

Headlines or Tailshapes?

Former US sailors shake hands with Japan kamikaze

Fortunately, the kamikaze didn't end up being a true kamikaze. Read this article, very cool.

Controversy? Nepal's "goddess" prefers instant noodles

Sometimes, certain headlines don't require smartass remarks to explain them.

Pentagon makes contingency plans for Iraq pullout

You know, because they never thought of this before...

Asian markets decline after Dow plunges (AP)

Asian Market #1: "Oh, crap! Look at the Dow!"
Asian Market #2: "Hey! Watch where you're going!"
*CRASH*

FBI chief contradicts Gonzales testimony (AP)

Fox News has FBI chief "challenging" Gonzales testimony.

Hidden Underwater City Wows Experts

Is a hidden underwater city really capable of wowing an expert...on hidden underwater cities?

Blog: In 12 million years, we're dead

Now would be a good time to...live.

Senate OKs package urged by 9/11 panel

Packages urged by terrorists were not OKed. In fact, they're really holding up airports a lot lately.

Giants 2, Braves 1: Braves Fall to Giants; Bonds No Closer to Record

No one goes home happy.

Nationalism gains strength in Japan

And our grandparents remember how well this went last time....

Traffic Stat of the Day - A Ginny Weasley Cameo

There have been a lot of hits on this site from individuals searching for "ginny weasley" and "spanking" on search engines, no doubt fueled by my Harry Potter predictions below in which I separately refer to Ginny and the possibility of Dudley getting spanked.

That said, the funniest part of it all is that these people have to be familiar with the characters to even venture searching for this combination. These people either read the books or saw the movies, and then decided one night, "You know what? It's time to enter the search terms 'ginny weasley' and 'spanking.'" You sick sick Harry Potter fans. Gah!

Now it's time to brace for the inevitable wave of search results this page will show up on now...

Into the Lion's Den

My neighborhood here in the dry hills of Orange County, CA has been put under "Mountain Lion Alert" after several sightings and an ill-placed deer carcass in the area. Apparently, the hills are dry enough to force other animals into our canyons in search of water, and the mountain lions are following. Logical, makes sense. THUS! Let the sensationalism begin!

As tales of the mountain lions' deeds spread, so to does the hype and legend! Mountain lions (or cougars or pumas or panthers or baaaad kitties, whatever you call them) have taken on a mythic quality around here.

"I saw one walk across the street. Did you hear me? THE STREET! And you'll never guess what else I saw! Two cubs with her! (The nerve...) And she was HUGE."

This might be a good time to try a little social engineering. Maybe I'll plant some myths and disinformation into the public consciousness here:

-Mountain lions are attracted to fear and will actively seek you out if they can feel it

-Mountain lions have learned to climb trees and will jump on the hood of your car as you pass!

-Mountain lions spawn other smaller mountain lions that will grow up to be NORMAL mountain lions!

-Mountain lions can read minds

-Mountain lions can smell blood, sweat, and unconditioned hair from over 10 miles away

-Mountain lions have been known to fly short distances

-One guy down the street says his friend across the golf course saw a mountain lion microwave its prey with its eyes

-Not only will mountain lions jump on your car, they will try to take control of the vehicle from you so they can search for water


In any case, I'm apparently not supposed to be out running right now. Normally, I would say something like "pssshh" to that, but after reading my own hype, I think I might kick back and read a book instead.

Since You're Gone

Straight out of 1982 and directly to you, it's The Cars' "Since You're Gone," a delightfully quirky music video that has captured my imagination and held it prisoner on some remote island of detached early-era MTV surrealism.



Some observations:

-It sure is a drag to wake up and find that your sweetie is no longer there to make plastic eggs for you
-Flowers are a tell-tale sign that a female is around. Guys don't have time for fragrant botanical side-quests in life! When the woman leaves, the flowers vanish, and part of your soul dies.
-The idea of a girlfriend's shoes walking out on a guy is just awesome. Guys tend not to walk out on girls as much for some reason, but I'm sure if one did, a parade of power tools would march right out of the garage.
-Interesting....Sunshine Movers seems to prefer the clandestine night-time operation. What are they covering up? Or is it some metaphorical nod to the lonely darkness following the break-up of a sunny relationship?

(WARNING: Don't read comments...possible HARRY POTTER SPOILERS...have I mentioned that?)

My Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Predictions

WARNING!! DO NOT READ ANY COMMENTS ON THIS BLOG - POSSIBLE SPOILERS FROM JACKASSES!

That said, don't read my predictions below if you want nothing to do with the book until you read it.

Here are my predictions for the final book, posted here so that I can check them after completing it. Enjoy! Again, I strongly urge you to AVOID the COMMENTS - SPOILERS MAY ABOUND.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Predictions

The Serious Stuff

-Voldemort will suffer a fate worse than death

-Harry will live

-Harry’s scar is a Horcrux; but he will think that HE is up until the last minute

-Snape is good, but had no choice but to kill Dumbledore, who pleaded with him to complete the task for the sake of the Order of the Phoenix; Narcissa Malfoy (not with intention to deceive) snuck in that last bit of the Unbreakable Vow about completing Draco’s task, catching Snape off-guard

-Draco Malfoy will redeem himself; Lucius will remain in Azkaban

-Bellatrix Lestrange bites the pixie dust

-Ron and Hermione will end up together, but not during the course of this book

-Neville will do some SICK magic, kill Bellatrix Lestrange, and play a crucial role in Voldemort’s defeat (there’s a reason he is in Gryffindor and not the arguably more suitable Hufflepuff)

-Percy Weasley redeems himself to his family and dies

-Dumbledore is dead, but will speak through his portrait at Hogwarts

-Sirius will return in some form (Jedi ghosty thing?!)

-Harry will pass through the veil

-Hagrid will live and become Head of Gryffindor House

-Peter Pettigrew repays his life debt to Harry

-Lupin dies

The Fun (possibly outlandish) Stuff

-A Death Eater will fall victim to one of Fred and George Weasley’s joke items

-Sirius will return on his flying motorcycle and look dead sexy doing it

-All of the cats in the story will have some big secret to spill (Crookshanks, Mrs. Norris, Mrs. Figg’s felines, even McGonagall in Animagus form)

-Petunia Dursley gives Dudley a spanking

-Filch will perform magic

-Ginny Weasley also does some SICK magic and makes life hell for several Death Eaters

-The Giant Squid in the lake near Hogwarts is an Animagus

-Snape brews a potion that puts “a stopper in death” that saves Harry

-Harry and Ginny end up together (another Potter ends up with an attractive, red-headed girl) and they go on to have seven children, all of them boys except the youngest

-Buck—er Witherwings will attack Death Eaters and generally be pissed off at evil

-I have no idea what Dudley’s biggest fear is

-Harry is a descendant of Godric Gryffindor through his mother

WARNING!!!

Don't read any comments on this site....people have been going around posting what they think to be SPOILERS regarding the last HARRY POTTER book. Unless, of course, you don't care.

I'm working to remove them if I can.

Skip Aheadlines

Bush denies al Qaeda at pre-September 11 strength

No comment regarding on-September 11 strength.

Fuel oil-laden tanker grounded off New York City

What they can't figure out, is how it ever got off the ground in the first place.

Gun shops under closer scrutiny (AP)

It has something to do with the sale of weapons. We always knew they had something to do with the use of guns...

CBS News chief: Couric staying anchored (AP)

Get it? Because she's the anchor...and she's staying!

Man owes $10,000 for child who's not his

That's usually how adoption works, isn't it? Except this isn't adoption.

Potter's magic breaks record

There has to be a charm that can fix it, though.

Food vendor's buns are made of cardboard

This makes it especially difficult for him to sit on a wet bench.

Lightning + iPods = ZZZZZTTTTTT!

ZZZZZTTTTTT! is the standard CNN style guide-approved term for onomatopoeic electrocutions. Note the 6 Ts as opposed to the 5 Zs.

Fencer leaves PanAm Games after stabbing

That's the object of the sport right? Other news: "Swimmer leaves meet after getting wet"

Samoan Butterflies Evolving Fast

Just a few weeks ago they were these worm-like crawly things!

Skymall

You really have no choice. Whenever you fly on an airplane, it is always in the seat pocket in front of you. You've read (well, looked) through the safety card that has illuminating ideas like "run away from fire" or "use the slide." The airline magazine crossword has already been done (like the previous person actually knew all of the answers without turning to page 114!). What else is left?

Skymall.

The magazine of luxurious excess. A few items that I noticed on my last flight, conveniently found on the interweb tubes as well:

Gravity Defyer Dress Shoes

Not only is this the first printed instance of the word "defyer" I've ever seen, it's also a ludicrous product. In my simpleton mind, Gravity Defyer means FLYING. What do these dress shoes do?

As your weight changes to the balls of your feet, the hidden shock absorber generated upward pressure pushing your body upward. This mechanism give you the feeling of jumping like a kangaroo (or some say feel like flying) each time you step with the Gravity Defyer Shoe.

Have a more Active Lifestyle

Appear 2" Taller

Ease Joint Pain and Pressure on Your Spine

Look like a Million Dollars

If you managed to get past the incorrect verb tense in the first sentence, you probably realized that this shoe doesn't really do anything. I have little dress shoe experience, but I don't know of many people who would look like a million dollars jumping around (or FLYING) like a kangaroo all day.

How about the Voice-Activated Grocery List Organizer? Tired of using a simple pen or pencil? Now you can watch your list flow out of this elegant Star Trek-prop without the hassle of basic writing skills! OK, so maybe this could be kind of cool. But for $149.99? That would buy you about 300 BIC pens and several trees to write lists on for the rest of your life. Does anyone actually sit there and go, "You know, I am so SICK of WRITING down these grocery lists! I just want to go and shop!" For me, the creation of the grocery list is a great way of procrastinating the actual dreadful task itself.

Or the Instant Screened-In Room! What better way to enjoy the outdoors than to go outside to go inside? Did the guy who invented this think, "You know, I really like being outside, but sometimes I just want to go inside." Now you can sit outside in your inside and look at your home and go, "Oh yeah! That place!"

The only thing left in the seat-pocket is a vomit bag.

The following post has been rated

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

* bomb (3x)
* death (2x)
* zombie (1x

Kids! Get some guidance before reading this! I had no idea this was such a morbid blog. We'll do everything we can to keep it that way.

(Hat tip: John)

Bob Dylan - Subterranean Homesick Blues

Will Return in One Week

I'll be taking a week off from Caught on the Bound. The interns have been instructed to make absolutely certain that nothing happens. That includes posting.

Anyways, here's a shot of the interns we currently have on staff for the summer:


I'm somewhere in the middle, behind the important-looking guy in the suit.